I cannot believe it. Mum has gone. I stayed with her all night. Stayed next to her in her bed. In my dressing gown. The morphine didn't work so well tonight. She was achy and uncomfortable, but didn't want dad near her. She wouldn't let sis sleep down with her. She didn't want me there really, but secretly I think she was glad. I knew something was wrong. I just had that feeling. I hardly slept, half hour most. Mum kept…
This time it was more awkward than before. This time not much was said, not much was done. Mums worse than she was. Has stopped taking any food what so ever. has stopped taking her milk like she did. I feel guilty as I had been putting Procal in her milk (you cannot taste it) but it meant she had more energy than what she would have had. My sister never did cos she never agreed with it. But Extra calories count, right…
I cannot believe that after what dad has been saying, all along, that its treatable, if mum eats, if mum puts on a little weight, that its treatable. Its all a damn LIE. He told me they cannot treat it. I have to LIE to mum now about getting her better. To give her hope. I can't believe it. Apparently my sister knew. why not me?! Why did they tell me in a way as though I had already been told! I haven't been told. Ive…
Palative care came out today. I was worried before hand whether I was going to have the house all clean, mum sorted, sister sorted, incase she thought I wasnt coping well!!!
Though I don't know why i was that irrational as I know that they won't judge me for the tiniest amount of mess, like a pile of washing or an unvacuumed floor but i seem to be irrational about a few things lately, or worry over the most silliest…
OK I think I am making too much jibberish on messengers and community boards. I think I am overtired and need some rest but I actually feel quite hyper. Real bad indigestion too - Maybe I have eaten a magical herb - I wish! - or maybe I have just eaten too much crap from feeling depressed I dunno.
All I have been doing the last couple of days is crying. Crying that much that my eyes are puffy, red, sore, my lips are…
