How did the consultant break the news to you?

Hello, my consultant told me that I had a large tumour, which was quite a shock and told me that they could remove it with surgery. 

I entered the room to meet my Urology consultant for the first time.  There was a nurse present so I immediately flagged "I do have cancer".  He set the scene, he was wearing no face mask, asked if I was ok with it and invited me to do the same.  This was so he could use body language I think.   Then he checked my understanding of where we were - I was spot on!

Then he continued along the lines of . . . ."I am going to give you a lot of information, you can record this meeting if you like or take notes.  [I had already gone prepared with pen and paper.]  I was expecting it to be like a uni lecture when you scribble away frantically trying to keep up, but he spoke REALLY slowly, expecting me to write down every word.

Then he explained that the mass on my kidney was cancer, it had spread to my lungs.  They couldn't cure it but they would treat it with the aim of managing it and he would be referring me to oncology.  Q&A followed, and he brought my CT scan on screen and talked me through it.  He explained the next step would be a biopsy in 2-4 weeks.   He pointed out the positives, that the lung nodules were small and at the perimeter of the lungs.  Also that the cancer hadn't spread to the bones or liver.  

That was Nov 2021.  I have the upmost respect for this consultant and how he handled this engagement.  I don't think he could have done it better, but next time I would ask the nurse/observer to leave at the start and I have done subsequently.    Also when I arrived in the dept looking for reception, he was in his office with his door open and intercepted me.  We had a laugh.   I am certain he engineered this situation to put me at ease and/or to suss me out what sort of conversation it might be, how I might take it etc

I know it's a different cancer, but I think it's relevant to your Q.  

Hi Cloe, that must have been such a shock for you. I hope you are well now. 

Hi Sabine I got a phone call from someone making me an appointment "to discuss treatment and aftercare"!  So I said, "Oh, so I have got cancer then" and she said 'they will discuss it with you at the appointment".   I don't think that was the right way to tell me!

Lesley x

Hi Mmum,

Yes, it's very relevant to my question. Thanks for your reply. How very considerate of your consultant. It really does help to have an empathic person to give you news and follow-ups in a kind and understanding way. It must be part of their everyday job, but can't be easy for them. 

Hi Poppysmum, that is an awful way to find out. Definitely not the right way! I hope you are well now. 

My surgeon also told me that I had a large tumour which was a shock to me. I  had surgery to have it removed in July and now have a ileostomy.

Hi Sabine, it was a bit of a shock but was happy that it hadn't gone too far and I was able to have surgery to have it removed.

I am well thank you apart from some side effects from chemotherapy. I hope you are well.

The hospital bungled their communications. About 3 weeks after having a biopsy I received a letter with appointment details, and a quick online search showed me that this was the Oncology clinic. So the news was broken to me inadvertently and not by a doctor.

Thank you SabineI'm almost at 5 years from treatment ending (surgery and radiotherapy and brachytherapy) and am doing OK.

Lesley x