i Just wish

Hi Doreen

It can feel a bit of a rollercoaster. 

My cancer was in 2022. I had the surgery, then 4 months of chemotherapy and then 5 weeks of radiotherapy. I then went on to have check up appointments every 12 weeks for 2 years. I found for me it wasn't really until all the appointments ended that I was able to process it all. I am still processing it all.

It is hard, but I am determined not to let my cancer journey affect me and spoil things in the future. There is a lot of support out there and sometimes you have to be quite proactive in accessing it. I know you have had support from the Support Line and also Macmillan Buddies. I also found the Hope course helpful. I know that your GP is helping support you with your mental health and that may take time for you to start feeling better. Keep at it. 

I was left with long term effects from my treatment and at times it can feel tough but I try to keep busy, find things that I enjoy doing and spend time with family and friends. Yes, I do think about the cancer every day but I try to put it behind me and focus on what I can do to positively help myself. At the moment for instance, I am getting pain from the neuropathy caused by my chemo so I am trying to go for a short walk each day. This is something that I can do, that I know does help and also mentally it helps being outside in nature. 

In my experience there is no magic answer or solution to getting through life after cancer- what works for me may be different for others. I know for me if I sit at home and worry, things feel worse. So I try to exercise by walking, I try to eat healthily. I spend time with family and friends and I have hobbies. The cancer is still there in the back of my mind but I try and have it in a different compartment for the rest of life. Some people find it helpful to set aside say 20 minutes a day, where they think about the cancer, maybe write down how they are feeling and then get on with their day. 

it is hard, I know, but you will get there in the end. 

Jane

ok thanku wake every morning hating my life and because my dr has put me on stronger anxiety medication i waz take one a day them it went ip to 2 times a day but now its gone upto 3 time a the maximum dose I was asleep the other night and like 4:30 this morning our father fleet and I had this weird dream I could see that my phone I blown up it won't me up in such a fright I looked around and looked to see where my phone was and it was okay it's still scared me and I called the criss line.4.30 they said they was nothing they could do they said have a warm milk and go back to sleep so that's what I did i did manage to go back to sleep i wake up again at 7am and called the criss line again and told them what the caller said i sometimes feel that im being a pain because ppl think I can just forget about it and move on but I have anxiety distress disorder i have started counselling with grace 

Maybe the anti anxiety medication will take time to work. It is hard when you have bad dreams and at the time, they can feel real. I wonder if the medication is a factor in the dreaming- especially if you have had it increased- it may be that your body needs time to adjust. Maybe worth asking your doctor, or have a look at the leaflet that comes with your medication and see if sleep/dreams are mentioned. Not having a decent sleep can make any of us feel worse. 

Having a warm drink can help some people relax again and warm milk is known for making people feel sleepy so it sounds like they were trying to suggest something helpful. 

The other thing that helps some people is having a good sleep routine. I find I sleep better if I am physically tired (so I go for walks etc) and also have a winding down, relaxing routine in the evening. I have something light for tea and then relax with a bit of tv or listen to music. I then turn it all off about an hour before bed and try to have a relax in a warm bath. I then have a drink and go to bed. I find that if I go to bed and try to get up at the same time each day- it can help. I try to keep my bedroom warm and cosy and just turn on my bedside light if needed. 

Its good that you are able to call the crisis line when you feel you need to. You are not being a pain in finding it hard to move on. Anxiety is hard to deal with and so is cancer. Well done for starting your counselling- maybe your sleeping/dreams could be talked about there and see if there is anything they can suggest. 

I know when I don't sleep, I worry about it and it can become a vicious circle. I normally wake a few times in the night and sometimes if I can't sleep, I may get up and go and have a drink, sit on the sofa for a while, look at a magazine etc and then try again later. I find if I do have a bad night, then the following one is normally better as I am physically tired. 

It sounds like you are doing the right things and maybe it will just be a little more time, along with the counselling that will help. 

Jane