Just feeling super scared about it all

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Hi, I'm really scared and just wanted to see if anyone has had any similar experiences. I'm 47 and been on the mini pill and virtually period free for 5 years. In early December I started bleeding and it got so heavy I couldn't leave the house and had to go sick at work. I was using maternity pads and changing every hour and also sleeping on a towel. I started to lose blood clots which got progressively bigger, but what concerned me more were pieces of what I can only describe as tissue the size of a small finger. It would pass out when I sat on the toilet. I finally booked an appointment in mid January through my private healthcare provider as I am lucky to have that through my work. I was still bleeding heavily at this point. I wondered if it was caused by menopause although I am ready taking HRT. I took photos of the tissue I was passing but my consultant has not really commented. I'm not in pain but uncomfortable and 'full', especially when I cough.

I was immediately put on on tranexamic acid and northistrone 3 times a day which stopped the bleeding and sent for an ultrasound. This showed 3 smallish fibroids but of more concern is my endometrial lining which is 47mm (likely adenomyosis) and my consultant seems concerned about this. My mother had stage 3 uterus cancer when she was 60 and a radical hysterectomy.

The plan is for me to have a hysteroscopy this week and a biopsy. I stupidly never thought it could be cancer, just fibroids, but my consultant says he is not so worried about those. A hysterectomy is planned as I cannot stay on northiestrone indefinitely and am not suitable for an IUD. Right now I am freaking about the hysteroscopy, as I have researched and I know it can be very painful. No pain relief has been offered.The trouble is all that is on Google mainly are horror stories which add to my anxiety. 

But my bigger worry is what is going on. I've been feeling super run down for weeks and just now recovering from a cold I got at Christmas that turned into a chest infection. On top of that my dog died unexpectedly last week and I had had her for 15 years. The grief is making me feel awful and I'm trying to stay calm but really struggling.

I rang my healthcare provider to see if they would pay for my planned hysterectomy and they were a bit on the fence if not cancer, citing that it might be deemed a chronic condition and not acute and therefore not covered, and I needed to try 'alternatives' first. My consultant has said I definitely need treatment and if they won't pay he would treat me under the NHS, so I know I am fortunate.  Sorry for the off-load, I just want to know if anyone else has had similar symptoms as I can't seem to find out if my 47mm thickness and tissue passing is likely to be symptomatic of cancer. I just want to prepare myself.

  • I would talk with my GP and ask whether you could change hospitals or at least get the procedure done elsewhere. This is not right.

  • Just wanted to add that I had a similar situation and had to change hospitals to somewhere that offered pain relief. It did cause a slight delay with everything but now I have confidence that ongoing tests are going to be done with pain relief as I wouldn't cope with it any other way. Good luck with this.

  • Was it your GP who referred you? Could they rebook for GA ? Not sure if this would work but my GP did intervene on one occasion for me and spoke directly to consultant. You could also ask whether any medication could be prescribed to take on the day?

    My other feeling would be to see if one of the nurses who would be present could phone you and talk through the procedure. 

    If you did decide to go ahead with the outpatient hysteroscopy- you can ask them to stop at any point if you find it too much to cope with. But do push for the GA if you feel it is what is best for you. 

           

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • No unfortunately it was a self referral through my insurance provider straight to the Gynacologist. I am happy with him and it's at a private hospital so it does seem strange that there is nothing. I wish they could give us more information ahead of time so we could know what our options are. I find it super hard to believe gas and air is not available. They have suggested that as I am so stressed about it (and I am literally crying every time I think about it which is nearly every minute of the day) that I just go on Friday and speak with him and I don't have to go ahead if I don't want to, which I am willing to do, but I don't want to go ahead if there is no pain relief available if I need it.. I've asked if I could be re-booked for a GA and I am waiting to hear on that. It's just I am so stressed out I can't even eat at the moment.

  • Okay so I managed to speak to one of the nurses at the hospital. She was very lovely and reassuring, but confirmed, no gas and air available :-(  I'm considering taking beta blockers before to try and help calm me a bit and she said that would be okay as long as I tell them.

  • I'm glad that the nurse has spoken with you.

    Perhaps the best plan would to be to go on Friday and talk to them about it and as you have said- you don't have to go through with it if you don't want to and maybe then the GA could be arranged? 

    Do give the Support Line a call if it would help. 

           

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Okay had a bit of a wobble last night and hardly slept. Lots of tears. I know I'm being completely irrational. I know statistically 75% are supposed to find it not pleasant but bearable. I am fine with that. I am usually quite strong with medical stuff and I don't mind a bit of tolerable pain. think it is the fear factor, the feeling of saying stop and they don't that is playing on my mind. In the interest of full disclosure and as I know this is a safe place, I was assaulted in my 20s by a doctor who did a completely unnecessary internal examination. I did not know about this until I was contacted by police afterwards as there were many victims. It's the fear of being in stirrups and shouting stop and they don't. I think I need to tell them about this and maybe they will understand why I am so petrified.

    Here is the thing. I know as soon as I get this over and done with I'm going to be booked for the hysterectomy - the type just depends on the outcome of the biopsy. I have a bucket list very expensive holiday booked in June with my husband for our anniversary. If I delay things too long, I think there is a danger my holiday could be at risk. Of course I accept if I need further treatment that may be something that is taken out of my hands. I am going to do this with the max dose of beta blockers for my family so we can all move forwards. I just want this done and dusted. Thank you all for your support.  This is an amazing community.

  • Bless you I understand this experience is making the thought of this extra difficult. If you can I suggest you tell them in advance - maybe by e mail so you don’t have to say it. I’m sure they will be very caring and stop if you ask but you will be reassured in advance. My consultant kept asking if I was ok, and from seeing others here, this is the experience of the vast majority of ladies on this forum.

  • Hi  I have had this procedure it's a little uncomfortable but it does not hurt  I didn't have my legs in struipps it's quite quick  and if they carnt get far enough then you have to go back and go under GA which I did it will be fine and if you carnt tolerate it they will stop hope this helps sparky55

  • When I had mine, the doctor doing it said several times beforehand, if at anytime I wanted her to stop I just had to say so, it was my body and my decision. Think you have a number of us who will be thinking of you on Friday.