Feeling a fraud AND concerned! Jumbled emotions!

I’m in a similar position. The CNS said my MRI shows very early stage but there’s a query over my lymph nodes as many are prominent. It’s being discussed at the MDT tomorrow and she’s promised to ring me straight after. I’m scheduled for surgery on Thursday.

Thinking of you tomorrow and Thursday. Let us know how you get on. I live in Yorkshire too, i hope you are being well looked after and are feeling ok x 

Hi Lancslass, bless you as you try to negotiate this roller coaster ride and learn how to settle between the ups and downs of the mood swings . That’s the big challenge and you will learn to cope as you go. I found chatting to my CNS on the phone helped my lows, plus chatting with friends made on here. Regarding your questions:

1. Cancer is cancer - there’s no hierarchy and you don’t need to apologise for appearing to have low grade low stage cancer 

2. Without at all meaning to undermine your hopes as to your diagnosis/prognosis, what you have at the moment is an initial predicted grade and stage, That’s really just a guide for the consultant, Realistically the definite type, grade and stage aren’t known till after your op. So by all means hope for the best, but also prepare for the worst. My cancer was initially graded as 1 and staged at 1a - the consultant even went so far as to say he was 90% sure I wouldn’t need any further treatment. Post op I went back for my results only to be told that though the grade was still a 1, they’d found a few cells on my cervix, so it was now stage 2 and I would be offered radio and brachy. They had also found a rare pre cancer in my Fallopian tubes and “don’t know what to do about that”. I sat there barely able to speak, nor did I feel able to move for ages,.When I saw my oncologist for the first time and told her what I’d been told (the 90% thing) she wasn’t impressed at all.

3. Re what to tell people. I can’t decide for you, but my own decision was to tell very few people, because I didn’t want to have to deal with their reactions. I told my husband and a couple of no nonsense male friends right at the start as I knew I could rely on their reactions, I didn’t tell my adult children till it was diagnosed and staged, and even then just told them it had been caught early and that hopefully I’d need no further treatment. When I got my op date, I told a few more people that I was going to have a hysterectomy, which was always taken at face value without questions, When I got my post op histology results, and had my date for the start of my radio, I told a few more people. Only when my radio and brachy were over did I go fully public on it. I never dressed it down, but usually qualified it simple with “early stage” and also said that my radio/brachy was “belt and braces” to help minimise risk of recurrence,

Own it, as it is, without watering it down or apologising. We are all in the same boat even with our different diagnoses,

Thank you for your reply. You are so kind, i think its all only just sinking in, and as I navigate my way I am occasionally getting lost. I hope to work on my patience, and deal with ‘today’ and what I do know and can control. Off for a blood test today, and will pop into the Macmillian room for a chat. Thank you again x 

Hi Lancslass. There's no doubt about it the word cancer completely messes with our heads. That's why we call it such a roller-coaster ride of emotions, chilled one moment, climbing the walls the next.

Yes, in many cases cancer is treatable, yet it's surprising how many ladies have expressed the very same thoughts feeling that they're frauds, you're not! Your cancer is hopefully contained within your womb, thus removal of same will remove the cancer perhaps needing no further treatment. However as others have mentioned until the organs and tissues have been fully examined after surgery there's no certainty. I myself was initially stage1a/grade 1. I was regraded after surgery to Stage 1b/ grade 3.

As you said not long 'til you get the Oncologist's report. Once you know what you're facing you'll get strength you didn't know you possessed!

Sending hugs, Barb xx

PS Love the comment "  I have a face even my mother struggled to love but my best feature is my pins!" You've still got a great sense of humour, go girl!!

Hi lanclass 1a just means the cancer hasnt penetrated more than half way through the endometriam. So it's less likely to have spread but histology will determine that.   I was initially staged at 1b until cancer was found in a single pelvic lymph node. I've had several lymph nodes removed over the years which hasn't caused me any problems. I think its when they do a clearance that swelling can occur.

Thank you for your reply papermoon. Its good to know you had no problem with swelling. So did they change the stage/ treatment for just one lymph node? x

Lancslass just to say that if anything is found anywhere else other than where it was detected, even within the uterus, the stage will go up. My consultant did say that mine was only a technical stage 2 as it was only a few cells on the cervix, but it wasn’t much comfort lol. 

Hi Lancslass

The MDT concluded that they think that the prominent  lymph nodes are benign so that makes me stage 1a (pending histology of course) and surgery is going ahead as planned with no intentions of doing anything with my lymph nodes.

Take care x

Good Luck for your surgery this week ( had a noisy at your bio ) Thanks Mavis for your reassurances. I will be thinking of you and send all my heart for a textbook recovery xxxxx