TNBC- waiting for surgery appt.

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I just found this particular Triple Negative forum. I don't really want to look around here...as it's too depressing. I'm trying to stay positive as my body does react to fear. (I know that's silly but we're all different.)

Triple negative- Stage 2, Grade 3, refusing chemo. Will have a mastectomy (if it ever gets scheduled). I thought about doing a double one, but per the surgeon, if it comes back it will be in the same area. Not doing reconstruction as I fear that it will make it harder to detect and harder to get to the 2nd time around. It isn't like I need two boobs any more anyway. 

I'm trying to just stay positive and matter of fact while I keep waiting and waiting for the appointment. I feel perfectly fine and don't look forward to feeling worse after or the recovery time. But mostly I'm angry. Not at my body, but at the long process as the worry about what's coming next with a ;just out of school' surgeon  and all the things that can go wrong afterward. And the continuing to hit a brick wall in trying to get the 'breast care team' to respond to me.

Then I feel guilty when i come onto this site with so much positivity. I think there was some thread somewhere about feeling like an imposter, which I do. I've only told a couple people outside of my kids and then feel very foolish for doing so.

ANYWAY... you're all added to my prayers even if I can't bring myself to read any more of these stories. 

  • Oh CJ W - I can understand where you’re coming from. I was diagnosed TNBC last April, mastectomy in June and radiotherapy in August. I wasn’t offered chemo which I was happy with as I really didn’t want it. Mine was grade 2 , no lymph nodes affected. Initial diagnosis post biopsy and before surgery was high grade DCIS and a lot of it - 7.5 cms!  Micro invasions were found in the post surgery biopsy. But life goes on. I’ve had 3 holidays since, one in the UK and 2 in Florida. I can still swim and cycle and knit - maybe not as well as before. I’m still tight underarm - sometimes it’s like a little apple is lodged in there. I still feel I’m improving and maybe one day won’t even think about being uncomfortable. I’ve never been one for low neck tops so wardrobe hasn’t changed. Breast cancer treatment has improved significantly. It is frustrating trying to get hold on the BCNs but if you aren’t happy with the surgeon assigned you can ask for another one. I hope everything goes well for you. You’re not an imposter - everyone’s journey is different. Stay positive - you’ll get there! Sending hugs.

  • My mastectomy is Monday morning (the day before my birthday). It feels like I'm not prepared. I cleaned my home but it isn't perfect. I made my will but didn't get it notarized in time. I called a funeral director but he had another appt. I wrote letters to my kids, trying to think of everything they need to know show something happen. 

    I'm not trying to be fatalistic, but I don't have a lot of confidence in my surgeon and no, I didn't have a choice. I had a reaction to whatever the numbing injection on my 2nd biopsy because he insisted on giving me more than I needed. The first biopsy doctor listened and barely put any in and I was fine. the second one I was shaking all over and was extremely anxious which is NOT my norm. Now I worry they'll give me too much sedative, which I didn't realize makes one completely dead-like as if in a coma. I don't think they'll listen to me that I don't need as much medicine as other people. The LPN who was left in the room during the 2nd biopsy marked it down as a potential 'benzocaine' allergy. That wouldn't be the injection. But even after I explained it to the surgeon at my pre-opt appt, she didn't comment on that listing as being inaccurate. 

    Plus I think I cracked my rib on the other side... 

    so. should anyone read this... i would appreciate prayers that I get through this. That my surgeon gets all of the cancer, which it's high on my chest rather than in the fleshy part of the breast. I told her I don't care about how pleasing the scar is, but please make a second incision higher up to make sure she gets it. 

    She isn't going to do it. so. 

    I have a sense of dread. My intuition is normally on target. I hope it isn't. I'm saying massive prayers for the surgeon that she have clarity of mind and skilled hands during my surgery as well as the person who puts me to sleep.