Daughter in law Thyroid cancer

Hey,

I can imagine the child care and respecting her wishes are good for her right now but in my experience of my mother in law, being able to talk to her about this and her being interested, getting a hug and words of positivity are enough for me. If I felt like she was being different I probably wouldn't visit her as much as I am so keep being you because she has confided in you already which means alot! 

And big hugs to you I know my mother in law hates this but not as much as I hate this which is why she is strong around me x

Thank you, your reply is very much appreciated.

Take care. X

Hi Suszyq, I'm sure your daughter in law will be very grateful that you are supporting her and it's really kind that you've asked for advice on here. If you could encourage her at some point to join the forum herself, I found it incredibly helpful. Real life support from people who have actually gone through the same or similar is invaluable. I found it really hard to open up to other people that didn't have cancer and my family don't “do emotions”, so to be able to express my physical and mental worries just via my keyboard and get replies from others that felt the same, was a life saver.

I would also encourage you to find an article on here about toxic positivity. It rang so true for me. Those around me would just say Oh you'll be fine or you're strong, you're brave, you're a warrior! when I didn't feel brave or strong and just wanted to admit how scared I was and still am. Also I'm really worried about it coming back as many of us are, so to have someone there who can just empathise with that fear and not dismiss it would be so good.

Don't underestimate the effect having a cancer diagnosis has on her emotions. I had no idea. I think about it from the minute I wake up, to when I go to sleep. This is getting better with time but I am a different person now, it does change you. You look at things differently, so be aware of that. I also cried a lot, I mean a lot and I was never a crier! I did this in secret as I didn't want to upset others but randomly it would come out, so be prepared her emotions may be all over the place. It may not be helped by the added effect of lack of thyroxine hormone post op (it can take some people a long time for the synthetic thyroxine to reach acceptable levels, others it settles within a couple of months.) I think just a good hug and sit and listen to her would be so helpful.

Last thought, if you have a Maggie's centre near you they are amazing and it was so good to talk to someone experienced who I didn't know and not feel a fool for crying and not feel guilty off loading onto someone else. They give support to the carers too.

My 20 year old daughter had to go through all this with me and she was absolutely amazing, the only one who truly understood me and got it right. I am blessed to have her.

Be aware though that it's hard on those trying to give support too, so look after yourselves. Take care and if you have time let us know how she's getting on x

Thank you for your reply, which was really helpful and thought provoking. I have tried to encourage my dil to join the forum but I suspect she may not be ready yet, so I have left the info with her.

I wish you well.