Hi all! I hope most importantly you’re doing okay too.
I just thought I’d brave a post on here in the hope it lets me let off some built up upset and disappointment.
I was a 20 year old guy, in my final year of honours degree at university when I discovered a lump on my neck. 3 weeks after my 21st Birthday I underwent a hemithyroidectomy.
I was the diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I at the time, felt it was best to keep this information private and only told immediate family and a few close friends. I completed my degree and achieved the highest classification which made me immensely proud of getting by. I’m now on 150mg of Levothyroxine. I went from none, to 25, 50, 100, 125, 100 and now 150. It’s been a process and I feel I’ve had a lot of changes to my life.
I always had low self esteem, but I feel with some weight gain and physical changes, I’ve become worse. It’s had a knock on my ability confidence which I always held highly and have now found myself as quite an anxious person and it upsets me so deeply. I find myself in periods of being quite depressed, isolated and lonely. I’ve been quite symptomatic in recent time and just feel limited to no progress.
The close friends I did confide in, didn’t know what to say or how to cope… I understand it’s a difficult subject… so instead I pulled back and as time has progressed I’ve lost these friendships. There are a few who I know are there for me if I was to approach them, but I worry by doing so it takes away from the happy times and enjoyment… or worse that it leads them to walk away too. I feel it’s made me quite a cynical person and lost my love of life.
In recent months, I’ve been checked and been tested for leukaemia and types of Lymphoma, thankfully after a lot of testing and checks I’ve now got the all clear, but with regular monitoring.
I unfortunately feel conflicted in who to trust in, speak with, or how to get back to my old self or even an adapted version of my new self.
I am scared my cancer will return. I’m scared I’ll lose friendships, or even myself along the way. I feel at such a loose end as if I’m going through the motions.
I feel those closest to me have a lot of personal issues and concerns right now and me discussing this will only add to these worries for them. I processed this journey, predominately alone, and feel this is my first time at really reaching out. It’s been a couple of years but it just feels like a dark cloud following my every move,
thank you for any advice, for listening, and for your support at a tough time in your life too. I hope if anyone feels this way too, they know they’re not alone, and can find some peace and comfort too.
lots of love,
