I am 41 and have thyroid cancer (tall cell papillary) that has spread to my bones, including my spine. I had a total thyroidectomy in January 2024, along with the removal of 105 lymph nodes. At this point, it was thought to be 'just' papillary thyroid cancer. The pathology revealed that I have the tall cell variant, but the plan remained in place to have RAI treatment in March 2024. In June/July 2024, by cancer markers were continually increasing and so I had a PET scan which revealed the spread to the bones and even more lymph nodes in my neck and chest. A further look at the pathology also confirmed that I have a genetic mutation that means the RAI would never have worked for me. The original plan was to operate on the lymph nodes and treat the bones with radiotherapy (SABR) which I had in October 2025. The surgery however was a no go because the surgery I would need would be so invasive that I may no survive it, and if the cancer is aggressive, I could go through the surgery only for more lymph nodes or further spread to happen anyway. I have been told I can hope to live 3-4 years by one doctor, and up to 10 by another. At 41, this is still devastating to me.
There are days when I feel like I have got my head around all this. And there are days when I definitely have not - today is one of those days where I am just feeling so sad for myself. And I the hardest thing is that despite having friends and family members who are SO supportive, I can't tell them what I am really feeling. My Mum buries her head in the sand and says things like "they don't know what they are talking about, you'll outlive us all" and my husband is more blunt in his way of dealing with it, reminding me that I shouldn't worry about certain things because I probably won't live long enough to see the consequences. When we initially had this news, he was extremely upset and despite me being very worried about his mental health at that time and for several months after, this did at least give me signs that he cared. However, he has recently (c. 12 weeks) started taking antidepressants and has become blunt and emotionless as a result. Whilst this results in an overall happier home environment and I am glad for him that he is no longer suffering as he was, it leaves me feeling very alone on this 'island'.
I saw a therapist (clinical psychologist) via my health insurance for about 9 months which was helpful, but I used up the available cover and could not afford to keep seeing her via self-funding. I have also taken advantage of my local cancer charity, but the people there are more of a listening ear than qualified counsellors. The lady I have spoken to was lovely, but despite being a pretty emotional person I find it hard to 'let it all out' in front of strangers. Not because I am embarrassed, it just doesn't happen. I put this down to having had a job where I have had to deal with sometimes upsetting situations and remain calm and professional.
I don't even know what I am hoping for in response to this post, but I thought typing out would help me. So, if you get this far, thanks for reading.
