Won't continue treatment

Hello sorry to learn what your going through it has got to be terrible for both of you. I’m sorry to say I don’t know your partners background treatment and what lead to the current regime but guessing recurrence after first treatment? The mental side can often be worse than the physical as I sure everyone here will agree, your partner has obviously gone through the mill and back and feels despairing. I guess it’s everyone right to refuse treatment even though that can seem selfish and unwise. Have they discussed the likely short to medium term prognosis of treatment refusal? I am unaware of how poorly your partner is but if it might be possible to delay and try going away for a few days let him just escape and be normal even for a couple of days to clear his head then it might focus for the fight ahead. I honestly don’t think he is being weak refusing treatment it is just everyone has their breaking point and it seems the last treatment was his. I can only hope he finds the strength to get help from all in his corner to come out for another round of fighting. Thinking of you

Kind regards

Dougie

Hi Dougie

Thank you for your reply and kind words.

My husband waited 5 years before getting a lump checked by the time he did, which was in July. It had spread from the testicle to his bones and lymph nodes. He has delayed his treatment by 2 months so far which his consultant isn't happy about. He has spent the last 2 months trying to get his self together to go back in but has told family he can't do it. 

Prognosis with treatmemt is 50/50. The rollercoaster of emotions can be hard at times and I'm trying my best to help him.

Hi,

I remember reading your previous posts and feeling so bad for both of you. I wanted to reply but really didn't know what to say that would help in any way. Your partner may feel that there is no hope but there are inspiring stories of people who had really bad prognosis.

The footballer John Hartson had TC and was given a really bad prognosis. He had to go through a lot of treatment and I read somewhere he had more than 60 rounds of chemo, but 10 years later he is still here. 

Most people know Lance Armstrong's story and again he had a terrible prognosis but 23 years later he is still here. 

I think what I am trying to say is that if he can find the strength there is always hope. 

I really hope things get better for you both. 

Aw Evie,I am so sorry to read this.

I have been thinking about you a lot but didn’t want to bother you.

I just feel for both of you and each is facing a different battle. I haven’t experienced mental health difficulties but know people who have and imagine your husband would love to approach his treatment from a rational place but his mind clearly won’t let him.

I am guessing you have been in touch with mental health charities as to how to deal with this unusual situation? If not, would this be possible? Is there a mental health forum where someone has experienced something similiar and could help advise? Perhaps there is a mentoring service where he could be paired with someone who can support him through this. I know you can but sometimes people need someone else in addition who has walked in their shoes.

I am just trying to think from a practical point of view so he can get to where he needs to be.

How about you? Who is supporting you? I hope you have a person/ people who you can be vulnerable with.

In the meantime know I will be praying for you both if ok.

If you ever need to private message me ( not sure how to do that on here but think you can) and just vent then know I am here.

Take care.

Hi Evie,

My thoughts are with you. 

Where do you live? I feel like getting in the car right now and showing up at your house to show your husband what modern treatment does.  I was given a 50/50 chance when I had my reoccurrence.  I am now 9 months post TIP chemo (very similar to VIP, requires 6 days in hospital on a drip constantly), and my last check up was clear.

Is your husband fully grasping the seriousness of his and your situation?  I did not endure the TIP chemo for me.  I realised when looking into my 50/50 survival chance that if I was not married or had kids, I would have been happy for the TC to take me at 46 years old.   I endured that treatment so that my wife did not become a widow, and my kids would have and remember their father, that I could help my family navigate the next 15 years, and see my children into to adulthood.  If I died tomorrow my friends would mourn my death for a few weeks, and attend the funeral but ultimately move on with their lives. My wife and kids would mourn my loss forever, missing me everyday.

I feel anger on your behalf that your husband has an opportunity to do something to secure your future together but is not grasping that with both hands.  On the flip side I have myself had a mild and brief encounter with mental illness/depression and have some understanding of how futile life can sometimes appear.

I would be happy to pay you a visit if you thought seeing a success story in the flesh might just be the kick start your husband needs.  The mental side of dealing with the alternative of not having the treatment is ultimately going to be harder than dealing with the mental side of having the treatment.

If you want to private message me if you think i could be of assistance then please do.

Take care

Dan

Hi Dan

I feel frustrated at times. I have spent the last few weeks trying to talk to him and have had friends speak to him too, who have went through treatment and beaten the odds.

I have also tried the "grab life with both hands".  He has everything to fight for but right now doesn't seem to want to. The doctors are trying to do everything to help him but he's not working with them. 

I guess I will have to wait and see what happens.