boyfriend with TC is being distant

Hi MrLost, 

That's was a sad read that prompted me to reply , you don't need anyone to tell you it's a difficult time, he's probably going through a roller coaster of emotions & probably feeling tired & down - so are you X 

May I suggest you write him a letter from the heart, I always think this has a greater impact than talking, sometimes it works wonders. 

If he's  not getting any better you might want to think about counselling for him- it could be depression creeping in. 

I think my son is depressed at times, he gets his first scan after treatment on Tuesday fingers crossed

Sending positive vibes & the very best of luck ❤️☘

Thank you very much Bluebell5570 for your words and advice. You can't know how much they mean to me. I also have my fingers crossed for your son  

Hi MRlost,

I'm sorry to hear this. I'm afraid there is no text book on how people react to a cancer diagnosis but please be assured you will get him back. When I was diagnosed 2 years ago I was angry and felt isolated from those around me. For me it was like watching a train going past with everyone else on "going through life" and me being stuck on the platform. Some guys push others away and some become closer but there is no right or wrong way to react. Some guys also feel "less of a man" with a testicle missing and this can also impact on relationships. Us blokes don't tend to open up about our feelings, I know some that felt ashamed and weak (I didn't). His testosterone levels will have also taken a beating and will take time to balance out or he may need replacement therapy further down the line.

My relationship very nearly broke up as I felt nothing at all for my partner of 6 years after my operation, it turns out it was low testosterone. All I would say is just be there for him for the next few months, if no improvement then as Bluebell had suggested look at counselling and get his testo levels checked.

Best of luck

Dan

Hi Dan,

I really appreciate your response. It's is nice to gain perspective from someone who has gone through the same thing. I never want to assume I know what he is going through and so, your words give me hope and understanding. Thank you so much. 

You are welcome, we are always here. You are doing a great job and coming on here to ask questions reflects that. This journey is just as hard for those around us and you partner will come to realize that once the fog has lifted.

Dan 

I don't know what I could write to you, Dan, other than thank you. And that I hope you're having a wonderful day.  

It is comforting thinking that I have a place I could ask questions and just be me (which is kind of sad and boring at the moment). 

Im having cancer treatment myself and my emotions are up and down.One hour i'm positive and sure i'll get better and then the next im scared that I won't. Im surrounded by family that love me and are so worried about me but i find my own feelings overwhelming and when I add their worry its too much. Sometimes you just need to focus on you when you are going through this, but we appreciate our loved ones. Suddenly you feel insecure about life. Its also hard to talk to those that love us. I found if i say i'm scared or show it, they get teary or have a look of fear. So they say think positive. You will get through this. It can be hard at times though and I guess he's so stressed inside he is being detatcheted a bit. Just keep supporting him and doing the practical stuff. Im thinking of you both

Hi weedtgarden, 

Thank you for giving me some information on the emotional aspect of what he may be going through. It is so kind of you to share what you have been going through. It helps me a lot so I really appreciate it. And when I'm having a hard day, I'll think of your advice.

Hi

Don't lose faith. I'm about 2 and a half months into this now. I've been through surgery and a single dose of Carboplatin. To be honest I felt that things moved so fast that it is only now I am able to comprehend what I have been through. My wife of knows me well and has commented that seem in a world of my own, snappy and distant at times. What I have to remind my self is that what I have suffered is trauma. Our sex life has suffered and this is frustrating for us both but she is always there for me when I need a chat or a hug. It is easy to forget the cancer patients nearest and dearest are suffering too and going through similar thoughts and fears. I am starting to feel better now and we are currently sat in the Menorcan sun enjoying ourselves! Talk to as many people as you can for support, there is no magic fix for this other than time. If you were strong before you will get through it. I actually feel cancer has been a positive experience as it has allowed me to completely evaluate my life which includes really appreciating those friends and family closest to me. What may help you talk is to sit down and turn the TV off. It worked with me! The silence will be filled with conversation. Tell him exactly how you feel and what you are thinking. Keep in touch.

Hi Andy

I'm thinking he may be finally processing everything now as well, because he seemed more willing to speak at first. You are right, I just have to give it time with him. Hopefully when he is ready to come back to me, he will. Maybe I just need to learn patience and understanding. I really do believe this experience is for something and perhaps that's what I will gain, more patience. Thank you for the perspective. I am happy to read that you feel it was a positive experience and that you and your wife are doing well; gives a girl a lot of hope.