boyfriend with TC is being distant

Do you know through the Charity the big C , a cancer patient and a carer can access 6 complementary therapies Reiki, Massage or that foot massaging one free? Sometimes it good to just relax together. 

I didn't, I'll slyly mention it to him  thank you!

Obviously these things affect different people in different ways, but I hope I can provide a little insight; I survived TC, but also had a partner who was diagnosed with the BRCA1 gene and became depressed as a result.

As someone who was the emotional support, I had a similar experience. When we finally talked about what the problem was, it was a guilt on her behalf that she was burdening me with her problems,  the onset of depression that she had no idea how to deal with and shame that she couldn't handle it on her own. This is all on top of coming to terms with the implications of the actual condition itself. This manifested in her pulling away from me, but all I could do was remind her that I was there for her. We then got to a point where she was confident enough to admit she needed counselling, which helped her immensely, but it had to be her choice.

We came to an agreement that worked for her. We would have a conversation about her feelings, experiences, fears and questions, but then after she felt she had let it out, we would go and make a cup of tea/hang up/move to another room, and have a 'happy'/'normal' conversation about our day, what we have planned etc. I helped have some protected time to be open, but without her feeling like she was being morbid. As someone going through CT, I used a similar approach, but similarly you don't want to feel people associate you with your condition or think you are a fun sponge. 

It can be difficult to communicate for a lot of people, so just make it clear that you are there, always, and let them come to you. Maybe be ready with some local services in case they decide they may need them, but I wouldn't push them. That's what worked for me, hope it's helpful.

Thank you SimonD123

I appreciate the advice.  I think I am finally learning to just let it be and continue being there.  Like you said, let him decide when the right moment is.  

Hi, reading your story is my life right now. My boyfriend was diagnosed with TC and had been distant.  I'm pray he comes back to me.  What happened? Did he come back to you? Did he recover?

Hi Elighit. Do you have more details about where your boyfriend is with the cancer? Has he had one or both testicles removed, and is he having or has he had chemo?  I had one removed in April, then chemo in May. I'm sure my wife would have described me as being distant over the last few months too. He is probably worried about how this will affect him long term. He will be worried about maybe suffering from symptoms related to low testosterone, and will be worried about how things might change him physically. Four months after losing one of my testicles I'm now getting back to normal and realising that life with one is pretty much identical to life with two. I would think it is just a matter of time for your boyfriend too 

Hi, I had my surgery 2 weeks ago to remove my right testicle. Have my appointment tomorrow to start chemo as I’ve been told it has spread to lymph nodes & im under no illusion could be spread elsewhere too. Nervous about tomorrow but also excited in a strange kind of way that hopefully this is the start of me on road to recovery. Any body any feedback on their journey or chemo treatment I’d love to hear your story. Cheers 

Hi I'm in the same boat as Enlight. My boyfriend was diagnosed with stage 1 TC non senomis. He went through 2 weeks of chemotherapy 6hrs a day. He decided to stop the chemotherapy it was literally killing him his body can't do the chemotherapy. He had a PET scan today he'll find out the results tomorrow. He moved into his mom's house I haven't seen him in a week. We talk everyday mostly text because the chemotherapy caused paralysis in his face and mouth so he can't talk. I feel I'm loosing him. Hes in such a horrible angry state of mind. I've cried alot but I can only imagine what he's going through. I love him. Hes moved out and now slowly pushing me away. How can I help him from afar? Why did he move out? 

I hope your doing well