My mum has just been diagnosed and I'm struggling to come to terms with it

Laura

I am so sorry to hear about your mum.  It’s so devastating to see someone you love so unwell.  Hopefully the medical team will be able to put a treatment plan in place, which could help her.

If you have a Maggie’s Centre near you, you may find it helpful to contact them.  They offer great support to all those affected by cancer.

The only advice I can offer is to just show your mum how much you love and care for her.  Spending time doing even small things to make her happy and more comfortable.

Take care!

Hi Laura,

I am so, so sorry about your Mum's diagnosis, what awful news for her and you and your family. It sounds like you are going though anticipatory grief which is a very real and hard thing to deal with. You haven't lost your Mum and she is still with you but you are grieving how life used to be before the cancer diagnosis and all the future plans with her that may not happen now, it's completely understandable and I hope you go easy on yourself.

This is probably one of the really hard parts you are going through because everything is so up in the air and uncertain. It sounds like your Mum's doctors are just figuring out a treatment plan and once treatment starts, I do think things will feel a bit better. Your Mum's doctors may need to figure out a few things, like if her cancer is HER-2 positive or negative, is she eligible for immunotherapy, will she also need radiotherapy, etc. 

My Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer last August, aged 50 and I've ben exactly where you are now, crying my eyes out going on Macmillan for advice, googling everything and finding out awful statistics. It was so very rough, looking back, I don't know how I was even keeping sane. My Mum has had 6 months palliative chemotherapy called FLOT and got a 3 month break and her cancer is currently stable. She is putting on weight and while it has been tough, her quality of life right now is much better and she's been on holidays, making good memories, and we all take things day by day.

I am happy to message you privately if you want to know more about my Mum's experiences with the chemo and what you may need to watch out and prepare for. I recommend a couple Facebook stomach cancer support groups also and I go on Reddit also sometimes, there was someone I spoke to on there who has had the exact same cancer as your Mum for over a year so far. 

Hi Laura,

I’m so sorry that you’ve found yourself here and as mentioned so many times before by other members it can often be the people around us that are more affected by the diagnosis of a loved one.

Hopefully the oncology appointment will happen sooner rather than later and your mum will be given a plan. So many other have felt better, myself included when they have had a plan to work towards and many have benefited from chemo in that their symptoms can can be relieved so your mum may find it easier to eat etc. There are also previous posts that have talked about getting a second opinion.

I would agree that Googling anything will often result in you feeling worse. I completely understand as I’m the same when it comes to researching things, I like to learn about things so I know how to solve them but I’ve often found myself down the rabbit hole and ended up feeling worse. I have personally benefited from speaking to a councillor, this may be something that you may also see the benefit in. I guess I have also made the time to do the things that I previously put off due to work etc to make some happy memories with my family during this testing time.

Wishing you both all the best x