Update (inoperable) Just found out Dad has stomach cancer

Oh my goodness, what a shock for you all! I am so sorry to read your post and to hear about your dad.  I think it sounds quite unclear at this point and the medical team will do lots of tests to determine a treatment plan.  I had Bowel cancer fifteen years ago and then stomach cancer five years ago.  I had surgery and chemo both times.  
The laparoscopy and the scans will give the Multi Disciplinary Team a lot more information.  I remember how terrified I was at that stage and the surgeon explained they had to gather all the information they could.  The laparoscopy will give them biopsies and that will be important to determine the type and grade of cancer.

There are lots of treatments available especially if someone is young and / or there are no other health issues.  I was 60 when I had stomach cancer. 
All you can do at this time is focus on what you can control,  helping your dad to eat as well as possible and walking is really good for physical  and mental health.  Contact your local Maggie’s Centre if there is one near you as they give really great support.

Such a stressful time for you and do look after yourself, especially as you are pregnant!  Take care x

Dear Livealot

I am very sorry to read about what you’re going through, your post is pretty much the same as what happened to my mum and i understand how much of an awful shock it is. I hope I can answer some of the questions you have. So if you wanted a second opinion and you paid for it privately it would all be private as far as I know. With the NHS it’s done on area- based on where your GP refers you I think, but private you can go anywhere you want. It’s definitely a good idea to walk every day, my mums oncologist recommended 2x 20 min walks/ day but we never got up to that much. That’s because for chemo and surgery especially your recovery is correlated with how fit you are/ complications are less likely. You will know more how to prepare when you know the treatment plan but yes eating and exercising best you can do and always helps. Hope this was helpful, take care and let me know if you have any questions xx 

Thank you Jac, I really appreciate your reply. I’ve seen you are a huge support to lots of people on here and it’s great to hear your story. I hope you are doing really well! 

I do need to stop getting ahead of myself so much and focus on what we know in the moment. I’m just desperate to do whatever I can for him. Just the fact I’m going up there for a while seems to have perked him and my mum up so I know just being there is helpful in itself. I’ll definitely get us out for some walks. 

And yes, thank you, as awful as the timing feels with me being pregnant it is the motivation for me to make sure I take care of myself too. I’m getting lots of kicks now so that helps to put a smile on my face x

Thank you so much for replying Nnnnn I appreciate it and that advice is helpful. Unfortunately I don’t think any of us will have the means to go through the entire process privately. I can’t get a sense of pricing anywhere but can only imagine the expense of the surgery etc. will just have to cross that bridge if we come to it. Did your mum seek out a second opinion? And how is she getting on at the moment?

I’ll make sure we are out for daily walks then! He was very active before with a physical job so it’s been hard for him not having energy to do very much or go anywhere xx

Hi Livealot 

It’s really good your dad was so active before that’ll help him loads out! My mum did seek a second opinion- she had a locally advanced (t4n3m0) tumour as staged by the NHS drs, and they said basically she could be given palliative chemotherapy (CAPOX). But when we sought a second opinion at the royal Marsden they restaged it to t4n1 and they said she could have FLOT and potentially surgery if it shrank. She had 7 cycles upfront and then surgery (normal is four surgery then four) and only after seven was it resectable. So thankfully she could get surgery. I won’t lie and say it was easy and she still has long lasting nerve damage and she is generally more frail as before she was very well for her age. But she’s improved since surgery and her last cycle of chemo. 

 would say definitely wait on the staging. In general, if the person is young and fit, if there’s no spread or metastasis and if it’s T3 or under, the NHS drs and nurses and surgeons will offer surgety+ FLOT. In which case there’s no need to seek out a second opinion and the only reason we did it was because they didn’t give us FLOT as offered by private Drs (as it’s more toxic). Although, theNHS doctors offered immunotherapy and the private ones didn’t (as my mum has specific autoimmune disorders) so you can take the trade offs as you will. Every doctor has a different opinion on the best course of action. In fact we had two second opinions, one before treatment started (where we decided to go with the marsden) and one midway through treatment after her first scan- just to double Check what was best for her. In each case people said slightly different things although overall we were happy with the outcome. I wish you the very best, sending love to your family x

 Nnnnn I really appreciate you taking the time to share such detailed info with me, thank you so much! And yes I totally agree, if surgery is an option from the get go then wouldn’t explore the second opinion. I’m just terrible for trying to work these things out ahead of time. My thinking is that if it does turn out to be a route we want to go down, I’ll be armed with all the info ready to get the ball rolling quickly. Fingers crossed surgery will be a way forward though I know all routes will be gruelling. 

I hope your mum continues to improve and feel better! Wishing you a good Christmas! X 

You too! Merry Christmas and take care, sending love to you and your family ️ xx

Hello everyone, a lot has happened since I last posted here before Christmas. 

We were initially told that surgery was an option for Dad and we were all so hopeful. During the investigative laparoscopy he had a feeding tube fitted so we could build him up ready for it. He was sent home with this over Christmas and many medications to be put through the tube also but we were provided with barely any guidance. He struggled to tolerate the volume and calories of the feed when he got home and we ended up in a&e on Christmas Day with pain, black tarry stools and he’d sicked up coffee grounds vomit. After lots of tests and a Ct scan it was concluded we could reduce the feed and see how he gets on. Things really improved and we moved the feed up more gradually and he was building up strength. Then all of a sudden he started to get weaker and paler and having dizzy spells and heart palpitations. We headed back to a&e and his hemoglobin count had plummeted dramatically. He had another ct scan but nothing found. He was given blood transfusions and was put on a ward. In the night he collapsed and vomited blood so we rushed back to hospital. The consultant who came in in the morning took a look at his Ct scan and did in fact find a bleed. The tumour had pressed on a main artery and he was internally bleeding. He had a 3 hour procedure to fix this on Friday. Fast forward to today, they went in to do the partial gastrectomy but unfortunately they’ve found the tumour has started to invade the pancreas and is inoperable. We are all absolutely devastated and feel numb to the whole thing. But as we have to play the cards we’ve been dealt I’d be keen to hear more stories from people who’ve had experience with inoperable stomach cancer, what treatment options were offered, anything we might expect. Best questions we should ask etc etc. Any advice would be appreciated x

So sorry to hear about your dad.

I'm in a similar position to your dad.

I went in for a partial gastrectomy only to be woken in recovery to be told they hadn't done it as they found my cancer had spread to my pancreas, liver and some blood vessels near my colon.

I've just started palliative chemotherapy but don't really know what the plan is.

I've only seen my oncologist once since I was told I'm no longer curable but I do have an appointment with him on Tuesday so I have a list of questions ready.

Every time you think of a question write it down so you are prepared when you see his Oncologist as this news can be so overwhelming you forget what you want to ask.

Wishing you and your dad all the best x

Just to add I'm sorry my reply wasn't more helpful but I'm still quite overwhelmed with it all myself.