Recurrence

Hi Soarky. Yes it really is. I’m a planner too and hate having no control over my life anymore. 
That’s nice to keep focused on, a wedding to look forward to. I try to do a gentle Pilates now and again. 
Is your daughter planning on getting g married, or not yet? 
Great that you’re husband is amazing too, phew. We need all the help we can get. Sorry to hear your parents are not there for you, but no one needs nasty people in their lives. I’ve very lucky to have both parents around the corner and very supportive. I’m glad it made you chuckle, was a bit nervous of offending. 
You have other supportive members of family and that’s great. I have a sister too , two years younger. I’m 50, wasn’t the best 50th birthday present I had!

My son is 20, and I’ve brought him up in my own since he was a baby, to 13, then met my amazing husband, who has been a great step dad to him. We also have my husbands 15 year old son here, since lost his mum to cancer March 2020, so it’s not been the easiest couple of years. 
You def are not selfish, we are allowed to feel how we feel. I’ve not met up with friends, as I dont want to hear what they’ve got to say, I feel selfish even saying that. 
I’ve not gelled well with my stepson as I feel resentful. I have to try and look after another child, when I don’t have the energy or inclination etc. I feel very selfish, and can’t even tell anyone how I feel. 
I feel a horrible person as it’s not his fault. 
sorry I’m going on a bit now. 
I can get about fine and still virtually carrying on as normal, I haven’t worked since the first lockdown as had to stop, to look after stepson as the schools were all closed. Haven’t been able to find a job since then, I did a year volunteering for a food bank during lockdown, but nothing else. 
do you work?

Yes, I have enough to do looking after family here, 3 men , effectively 

Its exhausting  

Big hugs to you too, sorry I went on a bit. 
xxx 

Thanks for the lovely messages/replies I've been receiving. It really does feel so supportive being here. I was wondering how likely it is that I will keep on getting recurrences. Especially as it might be that the original site is on or next to my femoral nerve. Apparently chemo and radiotherapy is ineffective with well differentiated retroperitoneal  lipo-sarcoma. You can't just cut away a nerve without major loss of function I assume. Just wonder if anyone else has experience of this. Thanks again everyone. Hugs to all. Sparky xx

Hey Sparky and Jane,  reading this starts to give me an idea of all the uncertainties ahead of me - heard i have leiomysarcoma last week.  It was taken out as an undefined mass behind my rectum.  Thus colostomy straight off.  I'm just writing to say that you shouldn't worry about a colostomy.   Ileostomies are more difficult as your food only gets half-processed before it's been chucked out so there are all sorts of problems. My new stoma, Flubber, has been absolutely no problem at all and I'm looking forward to getting back to swimming soon xx

PS Jane, i asked for 'Jane' this afternoon but was told the name was already taken.  Didn't expect to find the taker so soon!!

I have replied but it’s disappearing, or maybe you can see it? I don’t like this site, it’s so hard to use and follow threads 

x 

I chose jane as it’s my name, didn’t know you could create any exotic name, wish I had now. X 

Yes it’s very unpredictable, nasty evil cancer. 
The doctors are more concerned about a bag, than I am. I’d rather have that, than a blinking tumour!  I’m glad you’re getting on with yours. My dad had one a year ago, and he struggled tbh, he’s had it reversed now. But you do what you have to 

jane xx

I find that too - but I've hardly given it a fair chance after one day!

My Jinny is my family nickname from Jane.  Yes, there are some very fine names here - i saw a lovely one that ends in 'paws' yesterday - needless to say i can't remember the whole thing now!

How has his reversal gone?  Does he have his rectum still?  I opted for a permanent colostomy rather than a possible reversal as they seem tough if your rectum is gone