Coping with dad's cancer

Hello Edward0520 .

I am so sorry to hear about your dad and know how difficult it is for the whole family when you are hit with a diagnosis of incurable cancer. There are many of us who are on the same journey as you and all I can say is that from somewhere we do find the strength but it is essential that you and your mum look after yourselves as well both physically and mentally as well. If you need emotional support, or are just worried about something, then you can call the Macmillan help line on Ring 0808 808 0000.... . Also don't think of palliative care just as a last resort. It is there to make sure that dad is kept as pain free as possible and maintaining a quality of life, as are hospices. Don't underestimate your mum, she probably knows what the situation is and maybe you are both afraid of expressing your thoughts to each other for fear of upset. It is better to deal with this as a family, including your dad who may be feeling the additional worry of how is the family going to manage without him. When my husband was diagnosed it was a wake up call to make sure that we put our house in order but also made us determined that we were going to enjoy whatever time we have left together as best we could. In a perverse way this horrible disease has brought us closer together so I would say the best way to support your parents is to enable them to enjoy their time together and be willing to take on some of the jobs that they may be struggling with if they will let you.

Diethylstilbestrol at low doses has been shown to be effective, particularly if your father responds to it for a longer period as some research has been done which indicates that if the PSA starts to go up again after a while then having a break from it for a month can reset its effectiveness. As with all treatments it is a waiting game during which we just hope it is working.

My husband was diagnosed with incurable cancer in July 2020. He is on permanent hormone therapy, had 33 sessions of radiotherapy, chemotherapy and his scans show again for the third time that something needs to be done, although we are waiting to see what that is. Our oncologists have assured us that they still have more tools in the toolbox which could be targeted radiotherapy or cryotherapy to mets, nuclear therapy with Lutetium 177, gene therapy .....

Everyones cancer is different and we have to rely on the experts to tell us when there are no more treatments available. It might be worth asking dad's doctor if there are any trials he might be eligible for. In the end it is your dad's fighting spirit which is the inspiration to the family to help him have as good a quality of life as possible.

Please come back with any questions, no matter how small or trivial they might seem and let us know how you get on.

That is a generous gift of your time to explain, so well, your thoughts on this difficult subject.  AW

Hi Edward0520

I am so sorry about your father. I do not have more words to add following the strong and wise post of AH.

I just want to add that your are such a supportive wonderful son which is not common in today's world. I will hold your hand virtually and being such a caring son I know you will get the right decision going forward.

Lots of hugs

Dafna from Brighton

Thank you for the kind words. Writing something and getting a response already makes me feel I'm not alone. I will try to ring the number given to express my thoughts better and give me better strength for my parents get through this journey. 

My father doesn't have any wishes apart from going to aboard with her for a trip. So I wish for him to be well enough to get on plane to share some happy moments. 

I will indeed ask those questions mentioned. So hope something can be done to bring him to a better state.

Thank you again to share your thoughts in detail. I understand now better the journey

Everyone who comes onto the forum is part of a very large family who willingly share their time and experiences because we have all the experienced the feeling of loneliness and helplessness on this journey at some time. There are many different threads including things like where is the best place to get travel insurance, how to access support groups, finance, incontinence or even if you want a chat or a good laugh (some of us have a wacky sense of humour). It is our forum to get what we want out of it so don't be afraid to express yourself or to ask questions.

All the best over the Easter to you and your family from this, your extended family.

You’re not alone.  Feel free to add comments/ vent/ question/ on this site - were a friendly and supportive bunch.  AW

Hello Edward0520  Another warm welcome to the online Community from me.

I see you have already discovered what a great bunch we have in this little Community. I can only echo the advice given by my friend Alwayshope and give our helpline a ring on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days although services are reduced over the Easter Holidays). There's plenty of help and advice there.

Feel free to ask anything - there will be someone on the Community who has been there - done that and you will get answers.

From what I have read you are doing a great job - please use the Community as an extension to your family - we are all happy to help.

Best wishes - Brian

Hello Edward0520  I have just checked and the support line is open normal hours during the Easter break although not all resources are available.

Just another thought, do you have a "Maggie's Centre" near you - they are a Cancer support centre where you or anyone affected by cancer can just pop in. The link to them is below:

https://www.maggies.org/

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi Edward0520.

Good afternoon I am very sorry to hear about your dad's current difficulties. Yes it is very hard to come to terms with the diagnosis of Terminal Prostate Cancer.

It did bring our family much closer following my Terminal Diagnosis last June.

Yes it can also be very hard to see your loved one's go through this type of situation but by being there to help and support the rest of your family this will make such a difference.

As already mentioned by the other members who have given you some very good info and advice I can only offer my help and support and hope that we can be there for you and your family.

Please please come back to me if there's anything that I can help/support you with????

Prostate Worrier.