A question for the wives

He was actually put on active surveillance in 2010, but it suddenly escalated to T4 in 2020. At that time it was felt that radiotherapy and hormone therapy should be his first line of treatment. This worked well for 18 months but his distant metastasis behind the pancreas started to increase so he was switched from Bicalutamide to Enzalutamide. The same thing happened again 18 months later so chemotherapy started and Enzalutamide stopped half way through the chemo. Luckily he has had a good response to all treatments. The problem is that he has a rare and aggressive form and it is difficult to get at the mets behind the pancreas with radiotherapy because it could do too much collateral damage to nearby organs. The order of treatment, chemo first, or radiotherapy first is very much a judgement call by the experts. Added into the mix is that he is a very low secreter so it is a learning curve for all as to the best treatment options. We are just working through them as things change, so very much a rollercoaster journey.  We are lucky that we have easy access to scans and full blood tests to monitor things every 3 months, as things are done a little differently here in Greece.

Hi Sad wife,

I'm sorry you are having a bad time but it's good that you have asked for help. My partner was diagnosed last year and was on a curative path, which then changed to treatable. I found that really hard at that time. I don't know how I feel really. I try to be positive and proactive, I keep busy and try to fill each moment with good things, I try to keep up a strong positive force for him and our family. I go over the top at family events making things special, I try and stay up. But sometimes I just crash, not often , but when I do I go right down. I stay down and just let it happen and embrace it, sometimes I just need to feel how bad it is and then I manage to kickstart up again. My go to is pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I'm very interested in Art and I will look at Ryanair flights and book something straight off the cuff if its really a good deal, then find somewhere to stay and go within a few days and look at galleries, stuff my face with the local food and spend a lot of time sleeping. I also challenge myself to do it on a tight budget. It sounds weird but it works for me. I don't want to deeply analyse it, but it's wrapped up in just thinking about myself for a while and making my brain feel other things, like the fear I feel is different as I have to find my way around different places on my own and not be scared and it also empowers me because I know if I can do this I can do anything... well thats sort of how I reboot myself.  We are all different.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

Lx 

Hi BarryW

Brilliant post and what a great way to handle all this s..t we dealt with. 

Thank you for this.

All my love

Dafna

I've been on antidepressants for 6 weeks now I've just been sign off sick too now but I have been told to do things I enjoy so I'm concentrating on that as well as attending apts with hubby. Thank you for all the replies

Hello Barry W wow! That is so brave! Might I enquire where you jet off to? We have just re- acquired the travel bug and I have been thinking along the lines of multiple short breaks throughout the year. 

my husband is still being treated ‘with the intention to cure’ but there are no guarantees and it’s when the doubts creep in that I tend to ‘flounder’. He has found the HT particularly debilitating and I hate seeing him struggle. It hurts me!!!!!

wishing you and your hubby all the very best x,

We are all here for you - you look after yourself but remember we are all here for you. If you need any help with hubby's diagnosis and treatment, want a moan, want to let off steam or just a chat.

Just come onto the Community - we will always respond and are more than happy to help.

Best wishes - Brian.

I think a/ds take about 6 weeks to kick in so, hopefully, you will soon be feeling a bit better? Don’t despair - you are not alone on this journey - we are all here for you! You are allowed to be angry, sad, frightened etc. we wives have all had those bad times!

Hi WW

Because I really love Art I head for city breaks and galleries, so , Ive just been to Vienna (£16 each way!) for The works of Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele.(Upper Belvedere and Leopold museum) and other things.  Excellent city to look around. - Palaces/trams/coffee houses. Home of the Käsekrainer sausage (filled with ooozing cheese) sounds bad but really good!  Now I feel I have to go to Berlin because Austria has that interesting connection if you are interested in WW2. Which I am, especially how a lot of Art was stolen and destroyed amongst other things. Saving this for my next meltdown. Last year I went to Florence for a few days (Renaissance) Food is amazing of course. And Amsterdam is an easy hop. A city break is just enough to feel like you are living life and easy on the pocket. I totally recommend.x

Hi Sad wife

Such good advice, make time for what you like it really does help. It seems that so many people can feel guilty if they do something nice or for themselves. Just simple things like going out for a walk along the coast on a blowy day can make a difference to your mental well-being.

Be kind to yourself, it's fine to feel low, hopefully things will feel a bit brighter soon.

Lx

Hi BarryW thanks for the info.   Where do you fly from? Some brilliant ideas!  This is just the sort of thing we want to do!!!