Thinking of the end

Hello Teatowel 

Thank you for your post - take this post as some virtual hugs from me - I understand how you are feeling, and know just where you are with this.

I am sorry the Co-Op haven't got back to your husband. I think by him making the call he has finally started to accept his situation and has started to realise the issues you will be facing in the future. I think you need to take his acceptance of the situation as a positive.

Please do reach out to our Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) - just to chat to a human and feel you have some support. 

There's a thread on the Cancer Chat Group called "Awake" - it's aimed at people who can't sleep but there's a great group of people on there during the day too - it's a group where we talk about everything from dogs, Garibaldi biscuits. and anything else - why not drop by and join us - here's a link:

 Awake and up all night 

We are here for you too on the Prostate Group. - Keep talking to us and remember you are not alone - we are all with you. Do come back to us whenever you want.

Here's more hugs.

Kind regards - Brian.

Hi Teatowel , acceptance of one’s own mortality hits us all differently, some hide from it, some accept it and the process of moving from denial to acceptance takes however long it takes.  I see it as positive that your OH is finally wanting to put his house in order.  However if acceptance means giving up, then I see that as negative.

Once I had been diagnosed I think it took a little while to come to terms with it.  I wrote a post some while back The end - straight to palliative care! which your OH might find useful. (Apologies if I have sent you this previously).  What I think I am trying to say is that life after an ‘incurable’ diagnosis isn’t the end.  It is a change in direction from what we imagined, but that’s what life does to us all the time.  Life isn’t about the years you have but how you live it.  Laugh, meet friends and family, make memories and let the Co-op wait.

Hello Teatowel,

My name is Lizzie, and I work here in the Online Community.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re finding the lack of response from Co-op Funeralcare, alongside your husband’s need to get his funeral arrangements sorted out, all very overwhelming. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling lost and lonely at what must already be a very difficult and emotional time. Please know that you’ve done the right thing by reaching out, and you don’t have to try to navigate everything on your own.

I hope Brian’s comment offered you some reassurance. Like Brian, I’d also recommend giving our Support Line a call, where one of our friendly advisors will be happy to listen and talk things through with you. If you’d feel more comfortable chatting online, you can also reach the team through live webchat.

In the meantime, I just wondered whether you or your husband have tried contacting Co-op Funeralcare again to find out why you haven’t received a call back, and whether they’ve been able to explain the delay? You can reach their Customer Care Support Line on 0808 303 2076.

Please take things one step at a time, and remember that you’re not alone. We’re here to listen and support you as best we can.

Hi Teatowel,

Another heartfelt hug from me.

First of all take the positives.Its always good to get your affairs in order as regards a Will, finances and funeral wishes when you reach a certain point so that you can then put them to the back of your mind and get on with your life.

I hope your husband becomes able to include you in his wishes and share his thoughts.We have been married over 50 years and I find it hard to think of either of us without the other, but in reality I know that my wife would cope better than me (apart from the DIY stuff).

I always think that it’s so irrational to spend your life worrying about what tomorrow might bring but I am as guilty as anyone in that respect.

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your previous post. I will look it up and share it with my husband. We have decided to focus on living each day to the fullest and let the end take care of itself. Your unwavering support to us on this page is so  valuable and appreciated. How are you doing? Sending love and hugs your way 

Hi Teatowel no need to look it up, just click the  quote in my post above.

You are doing the right thing focusing on living day by day.  I have had several good friends who were sympathetic when I was diagnosed and I have outlived them.  None of us know what the future holds, so worrying about it really is pointless.  Thank you for enquiring about my health. I am currently in remission but next check early November. Virtual hugs to you both.

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