Prostate Cancer affects single men too -whether waiting or engaged in treatment

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Hi, I'm probably just being a bit grumpy, but here are my thoughts and I welcome responses.

Please spare a thought for the singletons who are equally affected by Prostate Cancer? Indeed, all cancers?

As a society, we seem hell bent on living longer, alone and more "connected" online and yet ever more lonely. If you want a shocking update on our young people's lot, Search for Professor Scott Galloway and what's happening to young people and their relationships and daily lives. Or lack of relationships.

I digress (pretty normal for me, sorry).

Prostate Cancer is not always a "couple's disease".

Approximately 20% of men in the 60-70s prime PCa demographic are estimated to be single. Web-search and you'll see lots of variation in the number guesses. Divorce. Partner Death. Just undatable [cough cough]. But it's a chunky number.

I've been single for 6 or 7 years (now 59) and too busy to bother becuase I'm managing the care for 90 and 88 year-old disabled parents; working full time back in my home town after 30 years away; addressing new-to-me Prostate Cancer; and the other fairly normal age-related crap: cholesterol, blood pressure, too short for my height (ie fat) and general arthritis and aches! Oh damn, the list is too long lol. And I for some hobbies in, esp tractors. And I know my experience is not unique and it is normal compared to the traditional 2+2.1 family unit.

A beautiful colleague is helping her hubby through a dreadful episode of throat cancer. Chemo, RT, feeding tubes, huge weight loss, bone & teeth issues. I'm at a loss to even understand all of that pain and upheaval. I'm oddly embarrassed to say I've not had anything close to that experience. If I had been him, single, nearly 60, how the bloody hell would I have attended weeks of RT, been fed, washed, driven to the hospitals (there are several involved), and organised any of the domestic trivialities that we all routinely cope with? Dunno.

My twin sister and several lovely friends have stood up to help. But not needed yet, if ever, I've said, and hope.

And so far, my three 5-minute consultations have been me alone. Thanks to these forums, and AI, and Drs and others on YouTube for informing me to be calm and take notes, ask contextual questions, it's been OK.

I've just realised this post is now an indirect thanks to those who post/share - and yeah, it does help. Be proud. Keep helping. Thanks.

Rambling ends.

Jeff

Mr U 7 months ago

Your ramble is understandable and real. The issues with this 80% couples disease (on your figures) is all on you except for your close friends and twin sister.

The only distinguishing feature you’re missing is the joint care and worries 24/7 of a partner.

That said, I’d say that’s hard on you but better for your willing but part time carers, when conditions change.

It seems to me that what you’re really asking for is help in understanding your future care plan. The plan that allows you to function through the days and weeks that are hard to manage on your own.

Also if I may, I detect a touch of jealousy about the loving care others get that you might not. And now I understand how you feel. For myself personally I am continually jealous of other people’s lives; I get angry and sad about the slightest thing. Grandchildren is my worst jealousy. I’ve not got any and I would love the wonderful distraction and love others have.

Please don’t think I’m critical of you, I’m actually willing to bet that that like me you could do with a talking therapy to help you understand yourself. I was helped and it’s certainly a good path to be on with all that you and I and everyone has to put up with bobbing around our heads.

Also for me are the financial implications which impact everyday life and everyday of cancer. I worry all the time.

So after rambling on about what I hope is some kind of help to you, I’d push you towards some forum phone help that is there for your use and advice. I know that I’m no expert but I also know that the Prince of Prostate (Brian) Millibob will be along to give more concise answers.

Any comments I have given are said with positivity and respect which I hope is obvious. We are here to help each other and I hope you feel more comfortable soon.

Millibob 7 months ago

Hello Jeff (Jeff7583d1)

I understand where you are coming from here - and yes, this is the place to express your feelings grumpy or not.

I make no excuses for calling Prostate Cancer a couples cancer as we are an anonymous community and as a volunteer I have no access to any Community member's personal details. It's fair to say on diagnosis a high percentage of men are NOT told of the side effects of their treatment and for many men it's having lost the ability to have either an erection or sexual satisfaction it's devastating.

I like to think that on this group we are very open to everyone regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation or domestic circumstances so if you feel excluded or discriminated against - I can only apologise.

The Community is a safe space for everyone and we intend to keep it that way.

Best wishes - Brian.

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Millibob 7 months ago in reply to Mr U

Good morning Mr U

In over 2 years as a Community Champion I have been called many things - some good some bad - but

Mr U said:
Prince of Prostate (Brian) Millibob

that is one to add to the list. Thank you.