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Hi Al985 

sorry you feel like this with your nurse . You should make an appt and speak to her and if you still are unhappy ask for a change .

we had a similar issue with my OH’s urology specialist nurse and ended up reporting due to being given false hope and inaccurate information . He told us he was on a curative pathway and unfortunately he is not .

so please don’t feel bad as we all don’t have the same ideas or get on with everyone. 

Glad your on your way to recovery . 

Best wishes & hugs 

Liz & OH xx

ps metaphoric slap enroute 

There are so many men being diagnosed that it must feel like a never ending treadmill for the nurses and consultants.  My urologist consultant was a nightmare - so indifferent and uncaring.  Told me off for ringing her nurses for information.  Said that prostate cancer was a “silent killer” - an awful thing to say during diagnosis when men and their partners are justifiably scared. Mrs AW was in tears.  Anyway, it turns out that the statement was absurd and I was curable.  The consultant was trying to point out that identifying the cancer early is paramount.  But I suppose they can’t get it right every time and I guess that she was having a bad day.  She is human and sometimes it must seem such a weight on their shoulders and they either bite back or appear uncaring.  We thought about complaining but decided to put it behind us and ignore her moaning.  I still rang her nurses etc and pushed for appointments and results (politely) and I managed to start my treatment just within the 62 day NHS target.  Once I switched from urology to oncology things got so much better.    AW

Hi Al985 , I can understand that you feel badly treated and there is no defence for a professional to act in such a way. Having said that, there are two options for you as I see it.  You can either continue to feel as you do and waste your time worrying or recognise that there are better things to spend your energy on, forget it and move forward.  Personally, I know which way I would chose.   David

Hello Alan (Al985) 

It's time to move on - life goes on and if you dwell on it it will only make you fell worse.

It's something out of your control, yes it should never happen - I am married to a nurse who spent her life caring for others. You know what it's like, you do get days when you just want to say something to the patient - but you let it go.

You have come across a "bad egg" - let it go - move forward, try and concentrate on your recovery and the rest of your journey - tomorrow is another day - the rest of your life starts then - other things far more important to think about.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi and thankyou so much for taking time to read and reply to my post. At times I forget how lucky I have been with the rapid diagnosis and treatment plan. Having said that I was a nurse myself for 46 years working hard to protect society from some extremely dangerous and violent individuals. I was often told by non nurses that they could not do your job. My response was I chose the job and despite the difficult nature of the clients I found it extremely rewarding. The CNS role is very similar to the one I had in that if your heart wasn't in it the patients were the one who suffered or im my case some innocent individual. My nurse does not appear to have that commitment and in this case I am not receiving the support I need. At times I found myself in tears as a result of her inaction. I will take your advice and try to see her before my first post op appointment with the consultant. If this isn't helpful I will request a replacement. I do have the option of my care being transferred back to the hospital who did the diagnosis but feel it is too soon to cut ties with the surgeon.

Al 985

Ahhhh Al985 

Totally understand . You had high expectation whilst practicing so you expect the same.  Professional people including me judge , expect and are quite cynical of others. 

when we first met our oncologist  he told me to put my list of questions away as he would be answering everything needed . The second time I asked a direct question about the triple therapy and by his tone and demeanour I felt I had been put on the naughty step . 

After a long chat at our local Maggie Centre. On our third visit I allowed him to finish then asked if I could ask some questions . He was totally gobsmacked and apologies profusely that he did this . He then asked what questions he missed and provided answers . He also explained about the triple therapy in detail and why he didn’t offer .i explained my previous employment ( retired social work)  and he then said you want to know the nuts and bolts of everything . Exactly 

We are due to see him soon and I expect to have a different relationship with him now and feel that my husband and I can put our trust in his choices and actions.

so you have put things into perspective and  either you lay things out why you feel how you do or you could ask to speak to your consultant .

 best wishes from one “pro”  to another 

Liz & OH xx

I am probably cancer free as I type, well that was the plan, I did not have any enduring pain, my continence is improving slowly and I feel fit and well, why am I going on about one nurse who hopefully after next Monday I will never see again, although I may speak with her? It's because the way the way CNS interacts with you is hugely important and mine either hasn't got the skills or just doesn't care. My job for 46 years was working with the most difficult people in society but not once did I ever show my inner thoughts about their behaviour and always acted professionally.

This afternoon I have put down on paper my thoughts on how we interacted and this has allowed me to draw a line under what has been a rollercoaster 4 months. Whether I give this to her I do not know at this point but I do feel a big relief at having done this. I might not be given the opportunity of ringing the bell but with the help of the surgeon and most of the nurses I have had dealings with we have hopefully beaten cancer and I can now move on

. As I have said before. The cancer is dead and in a specimen jar, long live the patient.

Amen

Well said that man. Moving on cancer free.

Best wishes - Brian.

Al985 said:

This afternoon I have put down on paper my thoughts on how we interacted and this has allowed me to draw a line under

That is exactly what I did, too!  I drafted a letter of complaint about my urology consultant. It contained the details of that dreadful consultation (there were two nurses and my wife in attendance at the event so the evidence could be ratified- indeed, the nurses looked shocked and embarrassed). That allowed me to move on, because I knew I had the evidence if the bad patient treatment ever happened again. I could add to the evidence(which could then be proved to not be a one-off) and request another consultant. It was never needed, as I moved on to oncology, where my consultant is at the other end of the patient communication scale: sympathetic, friendly, empathetic and able to take time and not be rushed during consultations. The draft letter is still on my laptop as a reminder of my low point on my PCa journey. It seems as if you, Al985 have also taken this approach.  Well done.   AW

Glad you have “moved on” as we have .

its time to celebrate as you are cancer free . Treat yourself and look forward 

best wishes & hugs 

Liz & OH xx