8 months on

Hello Tomjef 

What an amazing, honest and very much to the point post. I respect your views and positive attitude and the way you are getting on with life as if nothing had changed (I know it has!).

I know I am not incurable (yet!) but like you I very much live "in the day" - let's just get on with life - it's for living.

Thank you so much for posting and in fact saying - life goes on.  I wish you and your wife well in your continuing journey - keep on doing what you do!!

Just to remind you we are all here for you, so please keep us updated. I don't know if you are aware there is another group you can join on the Community and here's the link:

Living with incurable cancer forum - patients only 

Do remember the Support line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) is also there for you and your wife if you need any additional help and support. 

Best wishes - Brian.

Good morning Tomjef . My husband is also ex services and has a non curable diagnosis. We find that those not in the know about this kind of prognosis have difficulty getting their heads around how you can still enjoy life. All we ask is a little understanding that things have had to be modified to allow us to carry on doing what we do. We know that the treatment he is on is only holding the cancer at bay for a while but what to expect when this fails is more of a Taboo subject, but it shouldn't be. We know it is coming and my hubby hopes that he will be able to stay at home for the whole time. It was a job getting him to the hospital this week with the pulmonary embolism because he was afraid he would not be allowed home.

Stay strong and thank you for your honest post.

Thanks for that.

I haven't broached the subject of 'when the time comes' but have thought about it to myself.

Do I wish to die at home or in a Hospice?

I honestly don't know but have wondered about what impact it will have on my wife having to go to bed every night in the bed I died in.

We have experienced both in recent years with mum passing at home and a close friend passing in the Hospice.

I suppose it might depend on how ill I get. I can't get my head round how I'm going to be when the consultant says " Right, you have approx ??? Months to live" 

In the meantime 

Chins up and keep fighting. 

My late husband, who was also ex services, died in our bed of a massive heart attack but it didn't affect my wanting to stay in that same bed afterwards. There was, in fact some comfort that we were together right up to the point of his unexpected death. My current husband is very much a hugger and derives pleasure in just being able to touch so would prefer to stay at home if he can. What the logistics will be we will have to sort out when the time comes but know that I will need help with the practicalities.

It is going to be a very personal journey for everyone but the one wish we all have is that you can die with dignity and without pain.

Hi Tomjef I love your positivity and it echoes my own feelings.  
Once you have a ‘terminal’ diagnosis, I think thoughts are bound to turn to how will I cope and yes,  I hope with dignity and without pain.  What I always come back to though, is that having a cancer diagnosis didn’t make me any more terminal than I was before the diagnosis!   Yes it might have brought forward the end, but that assumes I will die from cancer, rather than with it.  Life is precious and is for living.  Your motto is great, chins up and keep fighting.  David

Hi Tomjef

What a fantastic post.   Perhaps more importantly your positive approach to dealing with your diagnosis by living life on your terms will bring encouragement to many others.

My treatment was intended as curative & although not far down the road so far so good.  None of us know when our time will come & when younger never even give it a thought, but life can throw you a screwball at any time. 

To my mind, the important thing is to make the most of every day doing the things you love with the people you love, which is something you are definitely doing.  Long may it continue.

Best Wishes

Brian 

Well done!  What a fantastic post.  Got to say I teared up a bit reading this - don't tell my comrades from 37 years in the Royal Air Force about that will you? the play list your mate has doen for you is just awesome - makes it a talking point so that you can preach the PSA testing at them all in the pub!  Brilliant!  Absolutely wonderful attitude tomjef.  I too have become quite evangelical about getting others to have their PSA tests - cant tell enough men about it.  Congratulations on the money you have raised so far and believe me the parachute jump is easy - it's the landings that can be a bit iffy.  Take that from someone who did just that for 30+ years as a Parachute Jumping Instructor (PJI).  Where are you doing your Tandem jump?  Just listen to the instructor, look up, smile and enjoy it, the views are fantastic and they will do all the hard work.  I really miss parachuting and still dream of it.  I have had over 4,000 take offs in various aircraft but not landed in those aircraft.  Thankfully never needed to wear a parachute or wished I had one on on other flights ;)  Enjoy the Army Navy match in May and your Lads Holiday in September and give us a wave on the Remembrance Day Parade - we will be looking out for you.  I always look out for our bunch of PJI's but miss them.  Someone usually posts a video clip to us afterwards.  Unfortunately from the first time we were included in the parade I have been unable to march due to bad hip and then bad knee (had both replaced) and now just couldn't manage it at nearly 82 - I think I would get trampled on - though I know many older than myself who do march every year. 

Please continue to post here now and again as your post has made my day. 

All the very best to you.

Thanks for your comments. Glad I can cheer some of you up with my outlook.

I attended my counselling session and let some tears flow. The poor woman has only been a cancer counsellor for 7 months but was a mental health counsellor prior to that so she got the lot.

In 2022 my 22 year old was diagnosed with a rare strain of incurable Lymphoma cancer on top of being level 2 autistic. 

Then last June I was diagnosed. 

In September my 40 year old died of a heart attack on a flight back off holiday.

She said I'd been through the mill. I said she wasn't looking her best either.

Then to top it all, I was walking down a steep footpath from the centre and slipped on green moss. Flat on my right side and nobody around. I'm black and blue now.

I must have walked on too many pavement cracks or under too many ladders in my life.

Free faller, your secret is safe. My jump is at the Black Knights centre at Cockerham. I still can't see why we jump out of perfectly good working aircraft.

Any way, we are away in our static caravan in North Wales for a few days just chilling. Retail therapy, driving and even had a bbq last night.

Chins up and keep fighting.