Re The loss of my support

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Hi Its Les here.

Re the loss of Maureen. ( my support )  In February

Times are still not easy for myself  so I am now having telephone support from Cruse. Which i think may be helping.

For the pass year or so I have been waiting for a major eye operation.   On the day Maureen passed away  I received a letter informing me the date of the operation which was on the 7/06/2024 ( yes last Friday. ).  The problem was the operation was at the hospital  that Maureen had passed away.  I arrived at the day ward with lots of deep breath's and had one little cry,,,,I was supported  by a nice nurse for a few minutes. The operation went well and now recovering at home.   I will not say what happend about the transport home only it did not happen.. Thats was not good for a 77 year old guy. Lets say its good that i am fit as a 45 minute trip to my home took three and a half hours buy two bus rides.  (well that was just a little gripe about that  trip at the end)

  • Hello Les

    It's great to hear from you and that you are having some fantastic support from Cruse (for those who do not know Cruse is the leading National Charity for bereaved people in the UK). I can't imagine what it's like to lose a partner who you have lived with and loved and they are suddenly taken away. You are doing so well in being able to share your feelings with our Community and it's very much appreciated. We are all here for you.

    As for eyes - I am a wimp when it comes to anything medical and I am also needle phobic. Anyway, at least the operation was a success and I trust now you have finally got home you are taking it easy and recovering well. I don't know if you have been following the "No Specific Topic" where our very own Gina was talking about her eye care - it drove me to drink just thinking about it!!

    I see your PSA is behaving so all is well there. My best wishes to you, Stay safe and keep in touch. i do hope the eye operation now leaves you with better vision.

    Kind Regards - Brian.

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  • Brian 

    Yes I have been following how Gina is getting on with her eye care.

    No needle's  formy operation but lots of drops in eye. Three very tiny cuts in the eye after the anesthetics drops. The vision is very blurry at the moment abut should get better in the next week or two.

    Thank you for you king words and support.

    Kind regards 


  • Hello Les.

    Good to hear from you and thank you for keeping us up to date with what is happening in your life. Another hurdle over with your eye operation and hopefully you will be able to see all the flowers Maureen planted in the garden a little bit better. Did you manage to find the rose or another plant called Maureen - I do hope so. Every so often my husband asks if we have heard from you recently on the forum so you will have to give us updates just so that I can reassure him that you are OK.

  •  Hello

    Yes we have found a rose call Maureen and there other plants call Maureen as well.

    I am planning to get this rose to plant in the autumn as this is the wrong time at the moment. I do know Maureen would have liked the colour of this rose. Thank you for your kind words and trust everything is going well for you both.


  • Hello Les

    Sorry to hear about your journey home. That sounds exhausting - especially after a hospital procedure. 

    What is good is that you are receiving support during this time of grieving for Maureen and able to share your feelings and experiences so honestly with us here, too. I am thrilled to hear that you are intending to plant a Maureen Rose and I hope it brings back some lovely and happy memories for you and, perhaps, makes the real Maureen feel a little less far away from you. That said, she may have departed physically - but she will always be in your heart and your memories.

    I hope that the op has proved successful. My husband has been having problems with one of his eyes for several years and it has not been the easiest of journeys. The drops are an absolute pain! He sometimes has been given drops in the most unsuitable container for self administering! These manufacturers don't always think of the patient before the finances do they? Nevertheless, if this procedure results in improved vision for you, the inconveniences will perhaps pale into insignificance?

    You sound like a lovely, caring man and your tears are evidence of that! Please don't feel ashamed of them! I always think it's a brave man who owns up to their emotions! You and a lot of the men who post here, I think , have been brought up at the time when the message was that 'boys don't cry'. Of course they do and so they should and neither should they feel frightened or ashamed about doing so!!!

    I send you a big hug and salute your bravery and honesty :) xxxx

  • Hello 

    Thank you for your support and kind words.

    Yes the journey was not easy I just sat on the bus thinking what am I doing here.

    Kind regards


  • Hi Les - I remember you from your previous post. I think Millibob put it beautifully, and how nice that others remembered your search for a rose named after your darling wife Maureen.   AW

  • Good to hear from you.  Can understand how you feel about going to that hospital.  I think you are coping really well with life.  I am sure I couldn't cope so well.  So sorry about your trip home.  My wife had to go on her own to hospital once - just a one night stay - problem was we had booked a non refundable room for me to stay over night and take her home the next day but a few days before I was rushed into hospital for an emergency life saving Op so couldn't go and at such short notice couldn't find any one who could.  Organised hospital transport - they arranged it not us actually, and they picked her up early enough to get her in by 7 - a 4am pick up from our house.  Only problem was they had arranged the pick up from the hospital at 10am the same day (!)  she hadn't even come round from the procedure then!  Luckily, she had a switched on driver who realised what had happened and he cleared time for a pick up the following day at lunch time so she had a lot of time waiting around - but did have a free lunch.  I don't know how many times you have to check the transport arrangements but we should have checked maybe the day before even though had only asked them to arrange about 3 days before the procedure. 

    Hope you are recovering well? 

    All the best


  • Hello Des.

     Free lunch ?? never offered just coffee and biscuits. my operation was done by 10 - 30 i was told i was ready to go just after 11am Just sat waiting till just after 2pm. and no trip home had been made by them.   anyway I got home.

    Thank you for your king words and support.


  • Hi Les,

    I was out hiking today and was listening to some of my favourite songs on my ear buds.   This song came on, and out of the blue I thought of you, and your loss of Maureen. I am now back in my hotel in Bavaria, and - again, out of the blue - I remembered listening to the song and how I had thought of you at the time. So I have decided to copy & paste the lyrics. It is about bereavement and I think it is one of the most beautiful songs ever written.  (Warning  - you might want to have a hanky ready):

    Every December sky must lose its faith in leaves
    And dream of the spring inside the trees
    How heavy the empty heart
    How light the heart that's full
    Sometimes, I have to trust what I can't know…

    We walk into paradise
    The angels lend us shoes
    'Cause all that we own
    We'll come to lose….
    And heaven is not so far
    Outside this womb of words
    With every rose that blooms
    My soul is assured….
    It's just like a song I've known
    Yet still unheard
    And every leaf of fire lets go
    Melting in the arms of earth and snow….

    And if I could hold you now
    You'd enter like a sigh
    You'd be the wind that blows
    The answer to 'Why?'….

    You'd be the spring-filled trees
    Of every December sky