Are we wives allowed down days too?

You are entitled to down day I did a few days ago and just wanted to bawl and yell that it is not fair. We are not invincible, it just feels as if we have to be, especially as we don't want to consider the consequences if we don't keep carrying on. Keep ranting, we are here listening and understanding. The 'boring old f***t' and I are sending you a great big hug and thanks for all the support you have given us.

Worriedwife , I think you and I are on much the same pathway.  I have read so many of your posts, and much appreciated your wise words over the last couple of years.  Just know that this community is here for you,  even the ones that don't post very often.  The constant negativity is so difficult to cope with.  Remember the good times, and all the things you have done together.  

I think this weather is depressing us all!

You’ve given so much good advice to other people, you certainly deserve a few days where you can feel “normal”. Please hang in there, so many people here have benefited from your help. 
i know this isn’t the life we thought we were going to get, and i do have to remind myself of all the things i should be thankful for from time to time. It’s difficult not to feel a bit depressed, but i find a gentle reminder (to me) that thinking positively and about stuff other than cancer can work wonders, even if it’s only for a while. 

Hope your day gets better. 

If only he would cheer up and if only it would stop raining….Thanks for your kind words - I’m in need of them today. Can’t stop the tears this morning!

Yup - got the weeps, the headache, the lot. I perhaps shouldn’t say this but it’s good to know that I’m not the only one finding some of this journey extremely tough at times

Hello WW

Yes we are all allowed "dark days" as I call them - especially the wives and partners. It's hard enough being ill but this "couples illness" takes out two people.

Mrs Millibob and I try not to talk about the "Big C" as much as possible - she knows I am "dealing with my flock" if I am in my office and leaves me to it. On my "dark days" she's sympathetic but I still get "now you know what us women have to put up with". I know she worries about me as our children tell me!!

Her way of coping is holidays - we are lucky enough to have our second home in Turkey and we try to get out there for 12 weeks a year at least  She is my rock though and I do turn to her when I feel down.

It's hard - you need a break from it - If Lorraine's no holidays due she will start a new counted cross stitch and this takes her mind off it for ages.

As others have said - thanks for all your wise posts, sit back, get a holiday booked and before you know it he will be at the end of his HT and some form of normality will return (I know he has other issues) but the HT is the cause of the depression etc.

Kindest Regards - Brian.

Than you for your kind words. Perhaps we are allowed a bit of self pity at times? But… it’s accompanied by guilt, I guess it could be worse but perhaps it should be acknowledged by the professionals that us wives suffer from this disease too?

Can totally relate to this! My partner was diagnosed with locally advanced prostate cancer 12 months ago. Had radiotherapy and now on adjuvant hormone therapy. The PSA is down, which is great, but he is suffering mentally. The short term memory is really poor. He is lethargic, refuses to take exercise and last night was the final straw as he wet the bed. I try to be sympathetic, but today is a really down day. Does anyone else’s partner/husband have the same issues? How do you cope?

Hi Yorkshirelass99 .

Unfortunately the lethargy is exacerbated by the lack of exercise. Even if it is only a walk round the garden or block, anything is good.

I can remember the first time my husband wet the bed. He was mortified and so ashamed but the only thing you can do when this happens is to change the bed, and him, put everything in the washing machine and try and get back to sleep. I have 2 sets of waterproof mattress covers and have even brought them with me as we are currently having to stay away from home whilst hubby is having SBRT treatment. I also got him Tena for men pads which gives him some security and allows him to relax at night - he did not know that such things existed.

We already have a caffeine free diet, no fizzy drink, limit quantity after 18:00 and he does his pelvic floor exercises but accidents happen.

Letting hubby know that others have the same issues has helped him realise that it is not just him. This forum is a great place for us partners to vent and release the valve when things get on top of us. It is also important that you try and make time for yourself and if necessary phone the Macmillan help line or see if you have a Maggie's centre near you.

Thank you Brian. Unfortunately we can’t go abroad any time soon as my husband is awaiting a procedure and a scan-  both no goes’ for travel insurance. Please tell Lorraine that I, too , find cross stitch embroidery very soothing!  I’m giving myself a duvet day :)