Feeling really down and depressed.

Hello Nige65  A warm welcome to the MacMillan Prostate Cancer forum - we are a friendly bunch.

I am so sorry to read of your present situation - I can fully understand how you are feeling.  You have taken the very brave step of putting your feelings in writing - so that's a good sign. So let me see what we as a Community can do for you. First off it would help me if you would give me a little more information regarding your PCa journey - where are you up to with your treatment and a diagnosis. I am hoping I can help with this at least - my knowledge of "lower lumber Stenosis" starts at nothing and tapers off but as you say it's painful so do you have a treatment plan for this one?

Please do come back to me - we can help you to get through this - stronger together.

Kind regards - Brian.

Hi

My story so far is in my bio, I'm in pain 24 hrs a day with the stenosis, I have been given a codeine based liquid pain relief but it doesn't touch the pain.

I'm depressed and comfort eating and drinking, I have little incentive to lose weight but could do with doing so.

My relationship recently broke down and I'm now completely on my own.

Hello Nige65  - My apologies - I should have read your bio before replying - I have had a long day!!  I know where you are with back pain- Mrs Millibob had a fall in hospital and ended up on liquid Morphine - strong stuff and at first that didn't touch it - but over a period of time it hit the spot and she weened herself off it.

I don't know if you are aware of it but there are a few forms of help for ex-servicemen - there is

* The Veterans Welfare Service and also The NHS run something called the Integrated Personal Commissioning for Vetrans (IPV4V)  - This is where you should get a personal care plan from the NHS. Are you aware of these and would you like any further information?

As for the eating and drinking - the weight gain - yes I know - I have had 23 months of Hormone Therapy and it's these last 6 months when I have piled the weight on.

Have you considered any of the following;

* Maggie's - these are a support charity with centres around the country - they have an amazing range of support for cancer patients and to find your local one 0300 123 1801 or enquiries@maggiescentres.org or www.maggiescentres.org

* Samaritans -  telephone 116 123 - They offer a listening ear 24/7.

* Our own helpline on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) The people there can offer some fantastic help and support and it's a free call.

Nige65 said:

and I'm now completely on my own.

Just to confirm that you have us - the Community - we might not be able to solve your problems but we are here for you - we've all had issues of some sort and just want to help.

I hope there is something for you in the above - stick with us and let us know how you get on.

Best wishes - Brian.

Thank you for your reply, I’ll get in touch with Maggies but wasn’t aware of the veterans welfare service 

Hello Nige, you’ve certainly had a tough couple of years on both the health and relationships fronts.. I think Brian has filled you in with some very useful contact details. Do use them rather than harm yourself with too much drink or anything else.

If your kids truly have refused to be with you because they don’t want to be with a dying man as you say then I can’t help but think this is because they are frightened of the pain they might feel at watching you suffer. However, there could be a multitude of other reasons including them not knowing or understanding the full picture from your side of things? 

anyway, we are very caring community here! We’ve all had our good and bad times and are all at different stages on this cancer journey! You are no longer alone and each and everyone will try to help you through and into calmer waters. 

I’ll finish by sending you the biggest, hugest of hugs and hope we hear from you again soon xx 

Hello Nige.

I have just read your bio and it has resonated with me as my husband is also ex forces with stage 4 cancer. He is having to deal with PTSD from his experiences as well as back pain following a spinal injury. I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this position with no support or help. When my husband was in a bad way we found that the Royal British Legion helped and I was also wondering whether someone like SSAFA or Combat Stress might be able to put you in touch with support lines.

My husband doesn't like taking tablets for pain but did benefit from a pain management course which taught him to use relaxation techniques alongside exercise methods to try and strengthen the muscles in order to support the spine and reduce the aggravation to the nerves. They also sorted out the correct pain killers for him which worked. He was also taught how to use a TENS machine. The pain management course was organised by his GP. Can I also suggest that you try and get referred to an osteopath as this is the one form of alternative therapy that my husband has had the most benefit from - although I am sure that part of the attraction is that she is young and pretty. An osteopath offers a more holistic approach compared to a chiropractor. It took about 3 sessions before he started to feel a real benefit and now goes every 3 weeks, but has been able to reduce his pain relief tablets.

I notice that Brian has also suggested other resources which might help. Please know that there are people here who will listen. You have been brave to reach out but I do understand that ex service personnel are a very special set of people who may have a different set of problems that the lay person may not understand. Please keep in touch and come back with any questions.

Thank you x

Nige65, That’s one hell of a story.  I can’t imagine what you are going through both physically and mentally, but you are one brave guy.  You have my complete admiration.  
Sounds like you have been given some sensible options which I really do hope will help you go forward.  I personally can’t help with any of your questions but just want you to know you are not alone.  Stay strong.  David

Good morning Nige.

Almost the first thing my husband said to me this morning is 'have you heard from the ex service man'. He is ex navy and special forces (enough said) but was concerned for you. I don't know how your PCa is affecting you but as you have been in the services then you have a lot of skills to offer by volunteering. I got him doing this when he was able and it was a really good way of meeting people but was also very rewarding. I also know that the Men's Sheds are a way of meeting like minded people. Please come back and let us know you are OK.

Morning Alwayshope, 

yeah another day beckons, thanks for your concern( both of you), 

First thing, I will look up the Men’s Sheds you mention, but I do still have mobility issues with my back, the addition of lumber Stenosis at the same site my cancer has spread to does make things smart a bit!

I guess I’m ok, I’m trying to write a letter to my son but not sure what to include in it! I’ve started by apologising for anything I may have done wrong, not my usual approach but I would love to see him again and possibly even my grandson.

i try to keep myself motivated, but it’s not always that easy on your own with no support from family.

ill end this script by saying how much I truly appreciate your concern, it really does mean a lot-thank you! 

Nige