What do you think to this comment

Must admit doesn't seem quite right unless he knows your OH has a good sense of humour them may be ok, just.

Y were u wearing a mask

As you say you don't "like him at the best of times" his comment most likely hit a nerve. Seems like it was a light hearted comment as you say your husband found it funny but there again professionals should be a bit more careful with remarks as folk might be feeling not great. I recall when I was diagnosed 2 years ago the Urologist was twiddling with his pen constantly. My wife said she wanted to shove his pen up his jacksy! 

He dosent know us well enough to make jokes . We had to wear masks as we were in an environment where people were at risk. I heard a nurse tell a doctor off because he wasn't wearing a mask it was funny, the look on his face 

Funny but not funny really.  Sometimes people make bad errors of judgement when speaking to someone with a chronic illness and unfortunately the medical professionals are also just people like anyone else.  However, I would have hoped that a consultant would be more wary of making such stupid remarks - though i know they are not.

Thank you everyone. I think he did hit a nerve, husband's cancer is treatable but not curable and I am just so scared I am going to loose him. 

If it helps I did speak with a consultant when I was about to be treated, in 2017,  and he had patients still going strong  after many many years with a helping of HT so I am sure  your OH has many more years

all the best

Steve

Hi Shar

He's more than likely had a long day and was trying to lighten the gloom - don't forget on our "community" we are well informed, know just where we are going and the treatment we need. A large percentage of "Joe Public" don't and look up to surgeons etc as demi-gods.

Lorraine (Mrs Millibob) was in hospital last year -we had issues speaking to the consultant and when I tried to meet him I was told to wait in the ward waiting room and he will be round - sometime today - my reply was - will he now!I Just tell him I act as accountant to some oncologists - yes I deal with their private work - They can ring me when they want - now get him to ring me when he's free. He did - later that day - and we saw him that day!

Just remember you are dealing with Dr WTF!!

Best Wishes 

Brian

I don't think I would have found it funny but I guess it depends on the tone of his voice and his body language also. It would have been harder for you to interpret if he was wearing a mask too.

 I think we are so very frightened for our husbands and the doctors and nurses are often totally oblivious to our own needs. I went to one appointment with my husband and the doctor we saw stood up as we were about to leave. He made eye contact with me, smiled and thanked me for caring about my husband and said he hoped I was ok. I cried! It was the first time anybody had shown any consideration for me!

People have to be clever to become consultants so why can't they accumulate some emotional intelligence along the way?! On the other hand, I have worked with some lovely, caring doctors whose approach to patients and their family members has been first class. I was once with  a doctor who had to tell the patient that there was nothing more he could do for her and that she only had a few days left. He was excellent in his approach ! I will never forget his kindness, compassion and gentleness with the patient.

Brian we were his first patient if the day at 9am god help the ones later in the day

Hi Shar,

It's a WTF moment. I wouldn't be happy at all. Also you've only just started this journey and will be feeling very fragile about things like that. It sort of puts you in the position of having to laugh or have an uncomfortable moment being offended.

It must be hard knowing what to say as a consultant to lighten the mood sometimes, so I guess he uses it as it's probably worked well for him in the past as a bit dark humour banter.

He does seem to be doing a good job though with the treatment, you may have to focus on that part rather than his inability to pick up on social cues.

L