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Gina, I never smelled any rats in Cairo, saw a few though. 

It must be about 20 years when we were last in Egypt.  There's a new museum just opened in Cairo (I think), supposed to be gigantic. 

My dentist is Egyptian, he's the spitting image of Mohammed Salah!!

I hope you get the care package for Richard.

Take care 

Hi Gina , sorry to hear Richard isn’t doing too good with his mobility. Has he been checked for a UTI as this can cause a decline. 

I do hope they have a meeting with you before discharge . That just irons out who is doing what and when .  And in the event that things aren’t right when Richard is discharge what options are available to support him further at home .  

Have you been given a copy of his social care assessment and care plan so you know what they are “thinking”  as they have a duty of care not just to Richard but you also . Let me know how everything goes.

Huge hugs 

Liz & OH xxx

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.

Gina, I am so sorry that you're still having such a rollercoaster time of it with Richard and hope that you can get the support you need. Please look after yourself as I know what a toll it can take.

I think I will be alright in Egypt as I have opted for a fully escorted experience where I am being met at the airport and the whole boat has been taken over by the tour company for a maximum of 50 solo travellers with two dedicated tour guides and two local Egyptologists. Literally everything is included and taken care of including entry to the new GEM museum with entry to the King Tut exhibition plus his tomb in the Valley of the Kings. It is going to be pretty full on but literally visits most of the sites I have always wanted to see.

Before Peter was diagnosed with cancer we were still able to do a fair bit of travelling and even after his diagnosis we continued to manage to get away, albeit only in Greece. He was always so positive and I am sure that helped him to carry on for so long despite his short initial prognosis from the urologists. The oncologist gave us hope and fought hard, giving us 4+ years of extra time together. My consolation was that he was still doing well on the Friday and died suddenly on the Saturday so quality of life was good right up to the end.

 Alwayshope I'm so glad Peter was still going well to the end.

Alwayshope said:

My consolation was that he was still doing well on the Friday and died suddenly on the Saturday so quality of life was good right up to the end.

You will enjoy Egypt.  Away from the 'tourist traps' it's a beautiful country.

I too send my kind condolences to you Alwayshope. I visited this page a few times many months ago but have not been following discussions since  - the result of many distractions and another family bereavement. 
I remember how positive you were and of course your name reflects this 
Wishing you a wonderful holiday in Egypt and well done on continuing to live life to the full - as much as possible.  That in itself is an inspiration to me. 

Jenny 

Stay strong Jenny and live one day at a time. Like you, and many others, we found that the diagnosis brought us closer together and helped clarify what was really important. We put our house in order in terms of wills and finances with Peter's concerns being that I would be able to continue to live in comfort.

I hope the Enzalutamide continues to control things for your husband but have you explored a plan B even though chemotherapy is not an option. One thing the oncologist was considering was Lutetium 177 for general spread or Radium 223 for bone spread depending on what the PSMA PET scan came back with. He also benefitted from successful targeted radiotherapy.

Also like you I have lost previous husbands, 2 to cancer now and 1 to a heart attack at 47. It does take a time to come to terms with but with determination life can still have meaning - hopefully I can have a few years to achieve my bucket list.

Thank you Alwayshope.

That’s a very tough hand you’ve been dealt - with the loss of three husbands. I’m sorry.  I’m even more in awe of your optimism. 

Jim decided to stop taking Enzalutamide before the summer. He was just finding the side effects too difficult and we were told it accounted for only about 10% of the treatment. 
The oncologist leaves us feeling as though we’re just a number on the page and he can’t wait to get rid of us. Our GP has not once been in touch since Jim’s diagnosis. I struggle to know where the support might come from. 
Jim doesn’t want to do anything outside the home. He tries to do a daily walk but gave up running, after 45 years of it, earlier in the year. He seems only comfortable at home. We haven’t been away on holiday since the spring of 2023. We don’t even go out for a coffee. I walk on my own, travel on my own, do everything alone. It’s the hardest part of all this because he could manage it physically but mentally he won’t.
I’m just back from a concert with friends and he would have loved it but wouldn’t try to go out with me. 
I don’t know what to do and how to be there for him. He refuses to accept help from anyone and won’t join any group or speak to someone, or even have anyone in the house except one or two exceptions in terms of my friends who visit infrequently. He didn’t attend the wedding of my son and daughter in law  in the spring of this year. 
I find all of this very hard and would value thoughts on what I might do differently. 
Jenny 

This sounds as if your husband is quite seriously depressed. 

That is an enormous burden on you and, worst of all, if he has been driving family and friends away 

 It sounds as if you have tried all the usual things, and they have failed. 

Your own health is likely to be taking a hit, but it is good that you see your friend.

If you haven't already seen it, the Charity MIND has advice for people supporting loved ones, and they might be able to suggest an approach. Their information starts here:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/

It looks too me that you do need support personally, so talk to everyone. 

He may have chosen to withdraw into a shell, but you do not have to go with him. 

Please accept my best wishes to YOU.

Thank you Steve for your kindness. I had thought of seeing a counsellor for myself but I’ll check out MIND.

I think you’re right and that he is very depressed. Jim is 65. He is nearly 3 years down the line of being diagnosed with serious heart failure and 2 years down the line of being diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. He’s ‘right on the edge’ and just hanging in there. …..
and yes this is affecting my own health. 

Hello Jenny, I am really sorry to read about your circumstances and agree with Mstev that it sounds as if you and your husband need more help and support. 
However, I also feel that your comments demonstrate just how much prostate cancer is a couple’s illness and how little regard the medical team gives to the needs of the spouse/partner/ carer of the person with the diagnosis.

I am no marriage counsellor and don’t know you and your husband and so can’t advise you on what you should or should not do but I will share our experiences.

my husband and I were talking yesterday about the dark days of going through the diagnostics and treatment. He said he felt so helpless because he could see the impact it was having on me! In turn,  I felt so helpless as I saw the impact it was having on him!

I think we progressed through the initial emotions wrapped up in our own fear and misery! We actually hit breaking point when he suddenly decided he was not going to continue with treatment while he still had the chance of complete cure. I blew my top and he was on the receiving end of some very tough words from me!

Looking back, that argument was not at all premeditated and I perhaps should have not been as harsh as I was? That said, it seemed like we had burst the dam and we were then able to talk honestly and openly with each other about how we were experiencing this horrible prostate cancer journey. We drew much closer together and got through to the other side of the RT and HT. But, we live with the anxieties of regular PSA tests and the potential for recurrence.

It seems we all react differently to the diagnosis and treatment - both physically and mentally. We inadvertently fell on to something that worked for us but may not work for all. If only the NHS would care just that bit more about the impacts of a cancer diagnosis and had the resources to offer more support!

I do hope that you and your husband can find the strength and support and guidance that you both need so that you can begin to enjoy your lives together again. In the meantime, there are , I’m sure, many people here on this forum who will be happy to support you from afar.

take care of yourself xxx

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