Self Pity

whilst I understand your frustration. Chemo is not easy. Week one after chemo is the worst days 4 and 5. If he is in pain then ask for something stronger than paracetamol/ cocodamol.  If he is really struggling past week 1 see if he will speak on next appointment. Equally if he's completed cycle 5 then only one more to go. 

I found completion hard as I expected to return to pre treatment levels but I had no stamina. 4 months on and I'm slowly getting there. Unsure your husband's age but I'm 51 and found it tough

It is important to do what is feasible but within your limits. This is temporary and will improve however probably not back to how things were. 

I think it was harder for my wife than me as I could sit in a chair and watch crap tv or sleep.  If you need help then contact Macmillan 

Hi Belittle and sorry to hear of your situation.

U don't say what his history is, ie  age, when diagnosed,  any previous treatments etc. I didn't have Chemo but I understand that it can be quite gruelling.  Has the self pity started since Chemo or has it been there since diagnosis? What have the specialists said in terms of  outlook for him?

regards

Steve

Thank you for your response Young Man.  I understand how difficult it must be to feel so unwell and I have suggested that he should listen to his body and take time to recover.  Unfortunately he is not one to sit with his feet up and do nothing and the response he gives is ‘who’s going to do it if I don’t’.  It is so draining and undermining to continually hear this.

Only one more cycle to go but for my own mental health I’ll probably give Macmillan a ring tomorrow when he will be otherwise occupied.

Hello Belittle, I'm very sorry to hear of your Husband's and your problems at the moment.

I had chemo for lung cancer over 4 cycles (8 separate treatments spanning 4 months) in 2014. My prostate cancer came 2 years later in 2016 and I had radiotherapy for that.

Chemo is very difficult, maybe like trying to run a marathon through treacle in terms of being stamina sapping and mentally it is extremely draining. Your Husband is probably thinking there is no longer even a small light at the end of the tunnel and just about anything he liked be it food, drink, going out, exercise, sport, food TV, books, people etc. no longer bring any pleasure and there is little or no diversion to distract from the way he feels. Sometimes I couldn't sleep during treatment either because of steroids given after infusions or because of physical discomfort, and of course being awake through the night is not a good place to be.

That's not of course helping you cope with the fall-out you are experiencing. Talking to Macmillan is a good idea and this might be very helpful for you. Otherwise all I can say is try to tough it out, it will soon be finished and his body should slowly recover from the poisoning it has endured, hopefully lifting his mental state with it.

I hope you both soon get through this and, to steal a current popular phrase, back to a "new normal".

All the best, Derek.

I also found it difficult in letting go. Everything that I use to be able to do I couldn’t.  I’d sometimes be crying because I didn’t have the energy and letting go was difficult.  Letting go at times felt like giving up and knowing that I was never going to be cured I certainly didn’t want to give up.

Hi Grundo.  He was 55 at diagnosis and had a radical prostectomy followed by 37 sessions of Radiotherapy.  He didn’t want Hormone therapy because of the side effects which I understand.  He now has advanced Prostate cancer with mets to his spine, pelvis and lymph nodes.  

Thank you Derek and I am sorry you have been through so much.

I didn’t get to talk to Macmillan today but I will.  This discussion group is very helpful and at least I know I am not alone.  I really need to toughen up and find something to focus my mind in times of shear frustration and fear.

Once again thank you everyone 

Hi, thanks for the details.

No wonder he is feeling the way that he is, he's been thru the mill what with surgery and RT and then to find out that it has spread elsewhere. Let's hope that when the chemo has finished he can feel better especially if the treatment is successful.

If he would agree to it counseling can help, I hope that he feels better soon.

All the best

Steve

PS: please note that not everyone who goes thru hormone therapy suffers in a big  way from  side effects, it's good to know that the HT is there if needed in the future.

i understand how he feels. 50 at diagnosis, radical prostratectomy and 6 cycles of chemo. No radiotherapy yet.

he's not alone. Hormone therapy tops prostratectomy in that not  only  erection difficulties also no desire.

I do get flushes but some effects are hard to tell whether effects of chemo or hormone therapy.

Hi Steve.  He is now taking Hormone therapy as his PSA was higher than before he had the radical prostatectomy and I think he feels the side effects are tolerable.  He has been through so much but I just wish the bad days were not so bad.  Still, one more session eh