Prostate Cancer

Boggy, I am so sorry to hear about your situation.

I presume that although you don't mention it, at some point you were diagnosed with Prostate cancer and perhaps had a prostatectomy.  Additionally, perhaps you were also treated for bowel cancer?

To have had cancer and to have gone through what you have experienced in 2 years is bad enough, but to have apparently no support from those closest to you is terrible.

I can understand why your wife refuses to be intimate, but I wonder if she is really as uncaring as you perceive her to be.  It certainly doesn't sound as if you are both talking to each other.  It might be worth trying to talk to her about how each of you see the situation and to come to some agreement about possible solutions for your dilemma.  For this I suggest you contact Relate, the relationship counselling service. If your wife refuses to go to relate with you, then, I'm sorry, but your situation appears impossible.

In the meantime, you need to find yourself some support and for this it would be helpful to do one, or both of two things, 1) get in touch with a cancer support group, prostate cancer or bowel cancer as appropriate 2) Undertake one to one counselling.  You should be able to find a local cancer organisation that provides a free counselling service for people with a cancer diagnosis.

Look online for a Maggies centre near you or phone the Macmillan helpline on 0808 80 00 00

I have been divorced twice, the second time when I was sixty.  In my situation it was better to divorce than just separate because of financial issues and my wifes failure to agree to anything.  It is difficult financially, but it might not be impossible.

I don't really know what your situation is but I'm tempted to say, why should it be you that has to leave, My second wife wanted me to move out, but I refused.  It's not a matter of blame, it's a matter of responsibilty!  She wasn't willing to do anything to save our relationship or take any responsibility at all for her part in contributing to it's breakdown so in the end, she moved out.  But that's just my story.

Realistically, you're not going to be able to solve this problem by treating the ED, 

I hope you can come to accept this.

I really do hope however that you can manage to have some dialogue with your wife so that you can each realise how you both perceive the situation and come to some agreement about how to move on.  Counselling, Relate and one to one will help.