Hi
Bit of background. I am the wife. Hubby is just 51.
PSA 31 and MRI showing suspicious areas. Biopsy this week.
Honestly this isn't looking good is it? As if life isn't hard enough. 
Hi Organised kaos
I was only speaking to my Dad just moments before your messaged popped up. I had said that I had been fully honest with how my hubby's diagnosis had impacted me as his wife. How the treatment and repercussions were really a mental battle and the fight or flight mindset was both very real and extremely painful. That my points were probably what many partners felt but never dared share because it sounded selfish.
My biggest issue was the revulsion at the hormone side. Had this been called "chemo in jabs and tablets" I might have felt better.
Anyway it's a struggle I won't lie. We appear to have to manage fluctuations in emotions. From being united to hanging by a silk thread that might snap at anytime.
BUT I stopped dwelling. I certainly stopped looking it up, and realised that it's not the same for every man. Like my menopause is not the same for every woman. We have been cracked open as a couple, and had to face the problems that had been clearly a result of the growing cancer.
The hormone treatment started weeks ago, and so far we have continued to exercise our congical rights so to speak. I have reminded him that it takes effort to work on this. Like after having our children (soooo many years ago) I had to make an effort to return to wife from birthing Mum stage. I did it, so he has to now!
Honestly he is not 20 anymore and erctions can vary, but....use it or loose it!
I know its hard. But not all men get all the bad bits, and even if the hormones make them "not in the mood" reminding ourselves that we were not in the mood with kids hanging off us, but we made the effort, so basically man up :) 
yeah sounds a but bullyish but it's what we need so here we are!
For you and others, I say don't beat yourself up, we are 50% of the cancer battle and all those feelings...they are real, but are they rational? And then finally we know its there. We talk, but we fully just need normal, cause life is too short to not at least laugh daily. 
