Evening, everyone!
My lovely MIL has recently being diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and has been given a year prognosis.
She has always been fit and well (fitness instructor), doesn’t drink excessively, doesn’t smoke etc and she never presented any symptoms until she just randomly turned yellow one day.
Since then, she has been tested and assessed and we were all shocked to learn that she had terminal cancer.
The news couldn’t have come at a worse time. We found out there was a mass on her pancreas the day after our little girl was born and then the diagnosis came a month or so after, as we were in the peak of very challenging and exhausting newborn days. We were thrilled to have our little girl welcomed into the world safely but was hit with such heartbreaking news about my husband’s mum. Such a conflicting time.
In addition to our daughter, we have a two year old son who is wonderful but very testing at this age and I am trying my best to stay strong for both children and my husband as well.
My husband is understandably very angry, very hurt and very tightly wound and he’s not one to open up despite a 12 year relationship and 2 year marriage; he’s a natural introvert! He is explosive and reactive and I’m concerned he is losing control of his emotions without strategies in place to overcome emotional urges. I want, so badly, to help him overcome this but I feel so helpless. I’ve never lived with cancer until now and I don’t know what I can say or do to help him. I don’t want our communication to break down or either of us to become frustrated with the other. The man who I know so well is almost a stranger to me. He seems pre occupied and vacant and doesn’t seem as willing to interact with our daughter. He dreads seeing his mum but also doesn’t want to not see her but seeing her reminds him of what she is going through and affects his mood hugely.
I would love some help and advice from anyone in a similar situation to me or someone who was in a similar situation and has seen their partner through to the other side. Or maybe someone who is losing a parent/ loved one to cancer and can offer insight into what would help them in such gruelling times.
Thank you in advance to anyone out there who can help me.
Hi L_O_U
I'm Steph from the Community team, may I wish you another warm welcome to the Community, although I am sorry that circumstances have brought you here.
I am sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's diagnosis, that sounds really difficult for you all to deal with, especially at a time when you have a young family and have recently welcomed your little girl to the world.
I just popped in to suggest that you also post in our family and friends forum and/or in the supporting someone with incurable cancer forum. These are both safe spaces for you to find support as a family member.
In addition to finding support from the Community forums, I'd encourage you to reach out to our Support Line. Whether you have questions about cancer, or just want to talk things through with someone who is there to listen, we are here for you. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat.
We also have some information here to help support you when your loved one has cancer.
Please do not hesitate to reach out to us, the Community team, if you would like any further help with anything at all.
Best wishes
