Newly diagnosed

I should also add my children are quite young - 11, 8 and 5

Hi 1980,

How awful for you, I am so sorry to hear your news xx

I care for my husband who has MM and he would understand exactly what you are feeling. As a partner the news was indeed scary and the future very daunting, but after the initial shock 18 months ago and first few months it did and has become easier. I worked out prior to his diagnosis what potentially the problem might be so was already prepared for the news. We are going through this ‘journey’ of ours together and for me I wouldn’t have it any other way, I would feel I have let my husband down if I couldn’t be there for him, it’s very possible your husband will want to do the same for you.

From the posts I have read on this forum some people have different levels and types of MM and depending on your stage and how advanced it is makes a difference as to how it will affect you. Some people live without any symptoms for many, many years, I hope this is the case for you. Plus, the advancements that are being made over recent years with the treatments are amazing, so there is hope…..

As a Mum, I can only try to imagine how you must feel with children so young. My children are all grown up with their own children so my situation is very different from yours. My heart goes out to you. Perhaps talking to your husband and working together through things first might be the way to go, giving yourselves time as a couple before crossing the next hurdle. One thing for sure, I wouldn’t have wanted my husband to have known the diagnosis and to have tried to cope on his own. Personally, I want to help my husband and to be there for him every step of the way. I’m sure whatever and however you handle ‘things’ it’ll be okay, just don’t try and do it all on your own and don’t be afraid to accept any help that friends and family offer, they’ll be offering it out of love and it will help them to cope as much as it will help you. 

Big hugs to you,

Marion xx

Hi CuppaTea,

Thank you for you message. I am so lucky to have the support of my husband, family and friends and now this support group. It really helps to talk things out and not feel alone in this new scary world that I’ve just entered.I think I feel guilty about the upset and worry that I have caused all the people around that love me. They are all being amazing but they have been thrown into this to and I think everyone just feels a bit helpless. I think you’re right - we need to come to terms with this ourselves before I even consider telling the children - I wish I didn’t have to tell them at all but I know the time will come when I have my STEM cell transplant where I won’t be able to hide it. I wish you, your husband and family all the best.

Hi again,

I’m so pleased you have support, it must be incredibly worrying for you. Funny enough, I was going to write in my previous message about the emotions my husband has been showing and talking about, but I didn’t want to bombard you. He has often spoken about the guilt he feels, that he feels a burden and he feels lonely, he worries about leaving me to cope on my own and the upset he is causing (just like you mentioned). Of course he shouldn’t feel guilty and of course he isn’t a burden, but I guess it is just par for the course that we all go through these mixed up emotions as we struggle to come to terms with this new life we have to live. On a personal note, I too feel guilty that he is going through what he has to go through and the help I give him is only to a certain degree and yes you are right there is a certain helplessness. If talking to me has helped at all, please don’t be afraid to reach out again.

Marion xx

Thank you x