Hi everyone.
My dad ages 62 was diagnose about 9 months ago with meso and ever since i have done nothing but fight with my inner emotions and depression. And i don't know what else to do. My armory of tools, coping strategies and decompression tactic is empty. Nothing i normally do is working anymore. It too much. The thought of a world without my dad is too much.
I get married April 2024. I pray hes there. He should so as his treatment is going well but hes in so so much pain. He cant breath very well, he cant walk far and is taking seven different medicines.
I work full time, I study in my spare time, I'm planning my wedding and then my dad sits me down and tells me he terminal. I took the following day off work to cry and scream. I went back to work the next day.
I've tried calling my GP to get help. I cant get an appointment and I'm slipping. Non of my normal self care aids are helping anymore. Its like the monster under my bed is now too big to fit under there anymore.
My question is how is everyone else coping? How do you get up the next day? How do you keep going? What am i missing?
As you can read by my ranting and rambling I'm all over the place. And my dad. He very up and down, in pain. Sometimes i visit and my mum is a shell of the woman she was and other days they seem to be coping well. I cant tell them how i'm really feeling and doing as i they have enough on their plate. When I talk to my dad he seems to be taking it all in his stride but i know behind closed doors she struggles with himself sometimes and i know he will lash out verbally at my mum because she the closes one to him.
Some days i just want to take my dog to bed with me and cry for days.
Please any advice or guidance would be very welcomed and appreciate.
Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for my rant. I just need to get this off my chest somewhere.
