Hello, I'm new here and was recently diagnosed with nodular melanoma on the back of my arm. A small growth appeared overnight and seemed to just sit there and stay the same. It took me four months to get it checked out. I had 1.9 mm breslow, mitosis 6 Clark level 3 nodular melanoma diagnosis.
To say I was terrified was an understatement. I googled and googled and scared myself to death. I misunderstood Clark 3 to be stage 3 .
Jump forward I have a WLE which took so much of the arm away I look like I have been bitten by a shark, plus a SLNB.
The results were clear margins on the arm and nothing found in the lymph nodes.
I should be thrilled by this but I just feel depressed. I sometimes feel like I'm exaggerating when I say to people I have/had cancer. I didn't need any treatment so it's like I wasn't really a cancer sufferer. I will have a skin check every few months.
Then I have the other side where I still feel like it's in me. The doctors have missed a tiny cell somewhere and it's coming back but I just don't know when. In-between skin checks it will spread throughout.
This is really difficult for me to deal with. It's only three weeks since I had my operation so it's still early days. Does anyone else have these split personality thoughts going on through their heads? Will this stop. I should be proud and saying I'm a cancer survivor and raise awareness of it but I just can't seem to stop my mixed feelings about it all.
Thanks for getting to the end of my ramble.
Hi macri and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.
Like you, I was diagnosed with melanoma on the back of my arm although mine was an amelanotic melanoma.
You say that
I didn't need any treatment so it's like I wasn't really a cancer sufferer.
but you did have treatment. You had an excisional biopsy followed by a wide local excision and a sentinel lymph node biopsy, so there's certainly no need to feel like you didn't have cancer.
You may not need ongoing treatment but you will be having regular check-ups plus you now need to be extra careful when it's sunny, so please don't feel that your cancer diagnosis is less important than other types.
I doubt that there's anyone here who doesn't worry that their cancer might come back, but for most of us, given time, those worries begin to recede until eventually you hardly think about it anymore.
As you say, 3 weeks is hardly any time and you'll still be adjusting to the new 'normal'.
It would be great if you could put something about your diagnosis and treatment into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending virtual ((hugs))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
