Today

I had no after effects,  so I am not sure 

Could very well just be my nerves honestly I just cant seem to get a grip on how I feel or anything. One minute i think i got this waiting game and the next not feeling confident at all.. 

It's the unknown of what's to come next.

Then what plan do they have for me.

All my tests and scans where in December and then nothing until Feb for a biopsy,  which I delayed for a 2 week holiday. Which helped me sort of put to back of my mind.

I feel since my Lobectomy end of April,  it is all that goes through my mind day in day out.

I am the same , waiting on CT result for my secondry cancer. Should find out next week at Oncologist appointment. 

Then it will be when does the Chemo start.

I had 2 ct scans an EBUS and the PET scan over last two weeks now just waiting to find out something.. I just wish  I had someone other the kids to lean on.. I need a hug .. I wish I could go on holiday to try and forget.  And I havent felt bad until today thinking maybe I over ate yesterday and last night while my eldest spent the night and that's why my stomach feels icky.. an argumentative 18 yr old doesnt help eaither..it just feels like a dodo day. And I havent had a cigg sense monday.. on a up note I'm proud of that on a down one I am chocking for one..

Well done on the no smoking.

I never smoked from day before my op and the next 12 days.

I was so stressed when I got home , with pain and my drainage tube still in , I needed to have a Ciggies.

Since I started to get better , I am having 10 rollies and the rest is a ecig.

I am still very anxious. 

Your doing good. I'd be anxious to, well I am I feel terrified alone and scared  most of the time. I'm using a nicassisit to stop have not gone nicotine free just smoke free..but today I could really use a rollie.. I make them tiny and with filters..and the tension in my house with the 18 yr old is thick these days. If it wasnt for the nose in our head and the waiting game I dont think I'd be so anxious.. but it never stops.. hope you are feeling ok today..

Brandie

From when I was diagnosed in December until I woke up from my operation,  I had been in total denial about the cancer , but not anymore .

I have been through and still am going through every emotion , but the one thing I want to do is have a big cry to get it out of my system,  and I just can't cry.

I understand that. I want to cry and scream.. I dont know how to process all of the emotions and deal with an 18 yr old..I have no one but my kids here. And that leaves me feeling scared and hopeless..

I don't tell my husband all my thoughts and feelings,  as it hurts him.

My first appointment withe oncologist and diagnosis,  my husband walked out the room for 10 mins as he couldn't except it . He lost his dad to pancreatic cancer.

You will find the closest person to you , is not the one you confide to , well it wasn't for me. Mine was a hairdresser I had never met a few weeks ago.

2 of my work colleagues have been messaging every week , even they don't know all.