Alone and scared

He’ll Frazzled 

Yes I’ve felt that in the middle of the night and my husband I was right next to me. 
Can you download the meditation app it’s specifically for cancer however I haven’t tried it because it wasn’t about when I had my anxiety attacks. I sadly downloaded one specifically for cancer and owing to my stress level I didn’t delete it after my free week and it cost me £50. Could not listen to it after that as I thought such a ripoff 

Velindre is free Or I just used meditation and relax apps they helped my head space 

How did the biopsy go? 

It went ok as far as I know. It's the days I'm having trouble with.  I am trying to stop smoking as I blame myself for all this but dang it I'm finding it hard. I havent had a rollie sense monday morning and after yesterday I'm just so nervous it's all I can think  about.. I was down to about 4 rollies a day and i bought the nic assist inhaler to help bit days like today i just want to smoke a rollie.. i wish i had a husband or boyfriend someone other then my kids but i dont ..thank you for listening 

100percent normal to be scared , still do myself and try to act like I don't, I'm good at giving advice, and I think its my way of coping, but damn it me too, I went for my ct scan on Thursday and I jumping everytime I hear my phone don't want to look at my screen incase of a 0800 number just getting soo worried now of thing this thing inside me growing and wat if .can my body take another operation  but hey need to give myself a kick up the butt .il deal with it but just worried today x

Praying your ct scan is good. If ya get me. I know the jumping feeling I am struggling to be positive at all. I wish for you that's its easily dealt with. You seem a strong women.. I'm horrible about giving advice I wish I was better.. you difently help me with each day. And I'm thankful for that.

Awe that's soo nice  now I want to cry  no thank you for sweet words .iv got my hubby and two sons and I do still feel lonely at times as you don't want to share your that's with closest people to you as you want to protect them x

It's your kind words helping me so thank you. I understand that I feel like I'm gonna crush my 18 yr olds soul before she even gets a chance to enjoy life. It's all so scarey.. I dont even know where to put myself.. I hope you have a relaxing day. 

I'm actually arguing with myself to go out for pub lunch with my friend but can't get it together, if I go out I know il not want to come bk after lunch ,but maybe a blow out us a good idea ...not ilong term il be rough tomorrow  and that'll probably just add to the worry , x

I'd go if I had friends.. I get the not coming back. I want to runaway so bad right now.. I just frozen to this chair I cant get it together..you should go have lunch at the pub with your friend. I hope you have a blessed day.

Xx have u got Any groups or anything , give the line a phone see if any tea groups or place to go to speak to others mcmillan offer counselling course too if it's same in England as Scotland x

Have a phone appointment with bupa later today and am waiting to hear back from Macmillan buddies.. I dont know what to do and with my ainexity I just cant seem to get a grip on my feelings..