Dealing with family and friends

Hi Varmint, Sorry you have found yourself here , but we are all here to help, It's all a bit of a shock right now, but once you have had all the tests and have a plan in place , and know what you are dealing with you will feel much better , Its good that you are staying positive , best of luck Ellen.

Hi Varmint

Welcome to us and I am sorry you find yourself here. I bet that was any awful shock. I completely understand you not wanting to tell people about your diagnosis until you know what exactly that is and you likely need to get your head around it before than too.

Marimba gives very good advice that you will feel more settled once you have a plan on how they are going to deal with this for you.

As you say the tests will take a little while to happen and get the full picture. So whilst you do not want to speak to anyone of friends/family other than your partner, it may also be good if in that time you can speak to people that are outside of your situation to let some of it. There is the helpline her on 0808 808 00 00. Or a local Macmillan or similar situation is good to get in touch with. There is endless support when you find the places you can tap into for it. Also you can seek some support/help/suggestions from your GP too.

Hoping you get answers soon and everyone here will also support you too.

Thank you, at the moment I'm more concerned with the impact it will have on my family, I want to talk to them, discuss the practicalities of the coming months etc but I don't want to burden them plus the implications of me going off to various appointments and them finding out from somewhere else. 

I'm in a catch 22 at the moment x

Hi. Understand the turmoil you are going through. When I was put on 2 week referral to heart and lung specialist following a chest x-ray, they told me it was serious and for a couple of days I was just numb. After 2 days I told my wife the exact situation as I knew it and we discussed it all amongst tears and wine....

We decided to be open with everyone from the start mainly to avoid any complicated feelings about secrecy and having to tell little white lies etc. I really can't say which is the best way but we found it strangely liberating when it was all out in the open. The period between finding a shadow on the lung to confirmation diagnosis was very very difficult and took about 8 weeks. Keeping our sanity was helped by keeping everyone informed. We felt that we were not alone. People do react differently tho. Some whisper when they discuss it! It has helped us to be open from the start I think because it removed a considerable barrier to normal relations with everyone. There is no template but I just hope this helps a teeny bit. 

Thank you so much your words have helped so much. I just don't want to burden anyone with worry but at the end of the day its not something I'm going to be be able to hide, I think I do need to be able to say the words out loud!!

I have an appointment Tuesday with doctor where I will hopefully know more about a time line, all I know at the moment is I'm being referred to respiratory clinic. At the moment everyone thinks I'm being treated for polymyalgia rheumatica - which so did I until 2 days ago!

Good luck on your journey x

Ah you're words just prompted another memory about burdening people. Because it's so serious and has such a profound effect on so many I initially felt a sort of guilt about having cancer especially regarding my wife. She has a little cry every day and we think that is ok. It has helped to share feelings etc and that spread when we told others. I'm not guilty anymore about dying so we cracked on with practical things like lasting power of attorney, funeral wishes, when to sell the car etc etc. It may not make us happy but by controlling the things we can there is a feeling of taking charge.

If you'll pardon a little levity, it will be much easier to tell them you have cancer than that other thing...! 

Hopefully you will discover how bloody resilient we all are.... 

The practicalities are all I'm focused on, getting a will sorted etc, not that I intend to give up easily I just deal with life practically and with a warped sense of humour

I'm from strong stubborn stock, my dad should not be with us now having advanced prostate cancer then small cell lung cancer but he fights on!  

Thank you again for sharing your experience x

Good fortune. 

I've called my nasty lump "Boris"

Although I'm a fan.......! 

Boris is a good name, I'm also a fan

Bit the bullet and told daughters, carrying on with usual humour, scan on the 5th lung clinic on the 9th going to be a long week..   

hi vermint. i was the same, drove my family wild.  set up will. paid for 2 funerals in advance (wife and self)  bought load of gold coins. my head was spinning. settled down after 6 month. still here 3 yr later. TC