Hello ladies (and gents if they members too). So yesterday I was called into hospital to be told the full extent of my situation. From my first initial mamagramme, ultrasound and biopsy to left breast on 18th April, to diagnosis of ER+,PR+,HER2- stage 2 grade 3 invasive metastatic 10th May I've had CT scan, MRI's and biopsies then to lymph nodes and liver, yesterday I have finally been told the full extent of what I'm next going to be dealing with. The cancer has travelled through my lymps and is in my liver so I will be having chemo as soon as they can make it happen, hopefully within the next month if all previous situations are anything to go by. Haven't met an oncologist yet but when I do i will know more. The concern I had was the word "palitive" was used to describe the treatment I will start with. I was asked if I understood what that was and of coarse I told them what I believe it means they can't cure me but make things easier for me. "But hang on minute, I ain't yet unwell, you told me I had breast cancer a few months back, you ain't telling me it's in my pancreas already are you".
Some of you might be thinking I haven't been reading the right material or I'm jumping to conclusions but I was asked what I understood about my diagnosis and so I told them. Paliative to me wasn't what I needed to hear.
So the cancer in my liver hasn't yet been said if its the same as breast of ER/PR+ HER2- yet but if they find it's changed to triple positive then surgery will happen to remove the tumour in my liver first but I don't know what I will be told this.
Basically the chemo is most important and I know how important it is to get the right recipe from the start.
My journey till now has been a slow process and all through it I've been in fear that all this waiting is gonna give straggling cancer cells the chance to latch on to something else and be detected further down the line. Well now it turns out that's more likely after November scan (that's 6 months since 1st CT scan picked up liver and Overy irregularities and it takes 180days before electronic machinery picks things up) if I get one then. I want to be able to be cured but it seems the word Paliative means I'm not gonna be that lucky.
I'd like to hear from anyone on here that has already experienced and fought and have gone 5 years clear of any other cancer and share how you felt during your battle. I'm not riding the wave now. I
starting to walk into the water. 
I've been struggling doing what you advised and that was to post this in a more appropriate forum so thank you. Im hoping I finally worked it out now and you get this reply from said page. 
Thanks for that
that. And there I was cool as a cucumber when I was sitting in front of the consoltant and turned my thumbs up towards my MacMillan nurse.
I have said since 10th May I wanted chemo from the start coz that's all I knew was gonna kill all the potential cancerous cells as I guessed their all over from passing through my lymps. And they could cut me boob off. Bit then that was before my understandings of all treatments.
What you've now made me think of is I ain't likely to be able to see 65yrs........
I have lived a very healthy life in order to not need others to look after me. Hospitals haven't had any part of my life since giving birth to my son, and he's 40 next month. And now I'm quite frequent to the place and soon dependant on people there keeping me well...... Or should I be saying alive!
I wanted others to give me their own experiences, not what feels like a kick in the gut.!!
What a great way to start my day. Thanks anyway.
Ruthmary, I think what it was was I haven't still grasped what my future is gonna look like. The fact that I'm still stunned 3 months on from where this all started, to read your journey made me think is it worth it...... Reality for me won't be known. I haven't seen the oncologist yet..... As always still waiting.
Trusting someone is very difficult for me till I get to know them. Just to sit across a table and share a few words doesn't account for knowing ME.... How I operate, my strengths, my determination, my insecuries all things that sit in my makeup. OK they might know their stuff and I have to trust the recipe they make for me is a positive one first time as my mental strength is my only weekness. Hospitals are a massive trigger. So that's what's gonna be the hardest part of my forthcoming journey.
I don't want you to feel bad coz you think you upset me.... I read your comments, reacted but unfortunately I'm one of them people that says it as it it. And basically it transfered back to you.
Im sort of fine now, my doctor is going to be chatting to me tomorrow about it all coz I got to get my head around the truth and not the frills and spills......
Take care of yourself.
