My Mum - Coming towards the end

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Hi all - I’m new to this group and don't really know what I’m looking to get out of it. I guess it’s comforting to know that there are so many others going through similar trauma.

I’m 25 and my mum has secondary liver cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014 and discovered this had spread in around 2016. Sadly since then the tumours have spread to her liver and her bones. I don't really know what 'the end' will look like but I'm sensing that she is coming towards the end now. She is deteriorating quite quickly, in lots of pain all of the time and is very tired. She is taking morphine which is helping the pain but can't seem to eat anything as it just makes her violently sick.

I feel completely helpless. I also live about 3 hours away so I'm not with her as often as I would like to be. I feel like I've been processing this for a few years now but really get the feeling that the inevitable is getting closer every day. Does anybody have any helpful advice for dealing with anticipatory grief? Coming to this website is a desperate cry for some kind of support, everybody in my family is too close to the situation and would appreciate some objective words of wisdom.

MrsBJH over 3 years ago

Hi DancingQueen96 and a warm welcome to the Online Community. I'm so very sorry to read about your Mum. To see the ones you love suffering make us feel helpless to do anything.

I'm going to suggest you join our Supporting someone with incurable cancer group where you will find others making the same journey. Just copy and paste this post to introduce yourself. I've also tagged the Community Champion of the group Lowedal, who'll be along to say hello.

I've also created a link to Some reading material which I hope will be helpful.

Sending you welcoming hugs, B xx

Womb cancer forum

Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

"Never lose hope. Storms make people stronger and never last forever” - Roy T Bennett

John72 over 3 years ago

Hi, sorry to hear what your going through, we are going through similar, first some practical suggestions:

1) Lansoprolaze appears to help mum with the actual vomiting

2) Haloperidol helps with the feeling of nausea

Treat them as different things is my advice and get on top of each separately. These might not work for your mum or might be inappropriate but be persistent with the Doctors and Nurses about needing to sort both out.

Second, what you are also dealing with is grief but before the death, sounds strange but it is not. Take a look at the Ruth Strauss foundation and try and look at the recent interview Andrew Strauss and Mark Chapman did, yes the specifics are different but the experience is the same. There is no right and wrong way, and sometimes the fact you are looking for the best way is treatment in itself.

Remember though you are not alone, love and best wishes x

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My Mum - Coming towards the end