Over helpful sister

FormerMember over 5 years ago

1 reply
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Hi all, I have a contentious history with my sister but since my diagnosis she has been very helpful. She lives about 30 minutes away and is now forever popping over or texting me to see if I'm alright. Now she is getting over helpful and tells me when she is coming over however if I say I'm alright or i just want the day to myself she can get right moody with me. I don't want to strain our relationship and I know she only wants the help (shopping, cleaning, cooking etc) but I am a private person and I believe that I should do what I can whilst I can and don't want to become over reliant when I can still do all the things myself.

I know some of you will be thinking that I'm a lucky person to have this help, but to be honest it's driving me up the wall because I know that if I mention this to my sis it will get blown up out of all proportion and we'll go back to not speaking (last time it was 5 years).

FormerMember over 5 years ago

I sympathise with your situation, it’s lovely to have help but if it becomes too overbearing you can end up doing nothing for yourself. My husband does the bulk of things around the house but I still try to contribute where I can. Maybe you could explain to your sister that it’s essential for your mobility and emotional wellbeing to have some things that are yours to do. Also time on your own is important as it’s a a release from all things medical and something simple as a cup of tea and a slice, feet up on the footstool with some rubbish television shouldn’t be underestimated. Her feelings might be hurt temporarily but I’m afraid you have to be honest with people as you are the one with cancer. Before I got cancer I had what I call “ the disease to please “ and would probably be behaving in the same way as your sister. I am now cured of this and have learned to prioritise my own needs. I hope this helps.

best wishes

jane

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