Hello, Just found out I have stage 4 Renal cancer, trouble sleeping

I’m so very sorry to hear your diagnosis. I have not had your situation mine was only two diagnosis of kidney cancer at different times. Have they discussed treatment options with you yet or are they yet to have MDT meeting? It’s a lot to hear all at once, I use mindfulness to cut out my internal noise, ( I use the smiling mind app it’s an oz app but it’s free) on my first diagnosis I went very practical - getting everything in order will, house etc but honestly we are all different. I took a minute to think about what’s really important to me in my life going forward and reduced the noise to simple things. just being present in the now( that what I had control of)  is also a way to bite size the overwhelming anxiety/fear. Talk to those close to you they will want to understand to help in what ever way they can. 
I wrote down question as they jumped in my head to ask when I met with professionals - I’m sure some them were daft but my focus was needing to understand. 
i real just want to say it’s a lot and really feel for your situation .

keep the community updated if there is any support  that can be offered I’m sure others will reach out . 

IanKudu020f9b said:

Does it get easier?

Yes, absolutely it does.  The time immediately after diagnosis is the worst time.  The shock, the uncertainty, the waiting.  And loads of new terminology and working out the NHS protocol. It's a horrible time because often you don;t know what's going on or what the way forwards will be.  

I found distraction was the best therapy so I wasn't thinking about it.  Distraction like work, hobbies, volunteer work or keeping yourself busy.  I would focus on the next thing eg appointment, biopsy, scan and work out how long it might take based on what they advised, and then count down the days/weeks.  Then move onto the next thing that needed to happen.  Once all the investigations are complete and there's a treatment plan this is a huge milestone because something is being done to bring it under control.  

Keeping a diary blog might help, also reading books to fuel the inner questions.  I read some cancer stories and some brain surgery and nursing (Jennifer Worth) ones.  Perhaps not everyones cup of tea, but it hit the spot for me.  Also, I read this online forum A LOT as it really helped to talk to people in the same boat.

It does take a long time, though. . . . . . .  

Hi. Oh yea, that was me (and many others I am sure) being stunned into insomnia and anxiety back in 2013. The brain cant process an important and life changing dichotomy like this. I had RCC Stage 4 with mets in spleen, pancreas, renal glands, liver and lung.

Im still here. 

I initially read all of O Briens Aubrey series (20 books) in three weeks. Read the whole Silmarillion in one. It helped but up to a point.

My advice is build a 'nest'. Sounds daft. But surround yourself with a hobby or passion that can be a haven of sorts. The cancer is just one part of you: there is so much more to you.

My other advice right now is something I call "Bert's Law", arrogantly enough. It is this:

"Absorb web searches on cancer only sparingly. most of them are hopelessly out of date and will scare you silly sometimes."

Only your Team can give answers that are RIGHT FOR YOU: Certainly not the worst doctors on the planet i.e. Dr Chrome Dr Firefox Dr Duckduck and Co.

You'll get into this new rythm sooner than you think. The days will become easier. More straightforward. Trust in your Team, family and not Google. Ever.

God bless you,

Bert

I so agree with you Billy re Dr Google.. use him/her sparingly and be careful to check out the sources you are pointed to. Useful if used wisely and sparingly. I have surrendered mostly to my team's decisions even though I have always been a great questioner of modern medicine and many of its accepted wisdoms. But I simply acknowledge that on this I don't have the knowledge or understanding to challenge or countermand their decisions. So I will have faith. It makes it so much less stressful. You WILL adjust, Ian, and feel less overwhelmed.. it takes a while. Be patient and kind with yourself. I really hope you have trusted friends/family to talk to? Even one person who you can talk freely with is such a help.

Likewise with AI bots such as Gemini AI and Duckducks own AI, GPT-OSS. They work by collating web results very quickly and offering ambivalent responses and suggestions. They also try to please you. They also MAKE MISTAKES, and openly admit it per se.

Beware. Use these for FACT FINDING ONLY and ASK FOR ITS SOURCES. Preferably ignore these tools altogether.

Only your oncological team can fully deal with your progress. Not a dumb intangible AI.

God bless you and yours.

Bert

Hi, thanks very much for responding, and thanks for your sugggestions, glad to say I slept much better last night and didnt need to use the sleeping tablets i had in reserve. Still waiting to find out the treatment options.

Thank you for your reassuring reply, and your suggestions, Trying to keep strong while I wait for my treatment options

Hi, thank you, it's so uplifting to know you are still going strong. I must admit that I have been bombarding ChatGPT with questions to try to give me hope, but hearing real stories like yours is very reassuring. Thanks again

Update, I managed to get some good sleep last night, proabably due to feeling so tired from previous night. Slowly adjusting for the journey ahead, still getting mini panic attacks but trust it will get easier to deal with

Hi Ian, 

I am glad to hear you are doing a bit better. I agree with the supportive answers above. The best advice I was given was just focus on the next appointment/treatment that is coming and be prepared for outcomes and treatment to change as more information is gathered. Yes, the first bit is the worst, it has settled for me now although I am sure there will be challenges ahead too. 
Diffy