Stage 4

Hi, just wanted to say I know how you feel. Similarly,  kidney and breast cancer in 2016, kidney out and lump removed from breast after chemo then radiotherapy. I was diagnosed late 2019 with stage four kidney cancer with mets to lung, scapula and now liver. Pancreatic one has shrivelled and gone. Actually had the kidney cancer since 2017 but it was missed on two scans. Like you was always busy doing four or five jobs..various cleaning jobs and one as special needs supporter. I gave up my main job a few months back, just couldn't clean for four hours a day, up and down stairs etc. I also sit down after cleaning the bathroom! Helped my daughter with her house move in December and by 4 o clock had to go home as I felt sick and dizzy with tiredness. I think we do feel it if we try to do something the same as we did before the cancer. It does make me a bit sad and frustrated sometimes. I too get out of breath just climbing the stairs some days and making the bed! Others I'm ok. Hope all goes well for you. X

Thanks for reply.  I don’t know if you wonder like me, if this is how I feel in a year how much longer do I have? And how does one feel when the time is  near.  I intend to write how my body feels right up to the end. I find on the FB cancer sites, one minute your having a conversation with someone the next month they’re dead, and I wonder were they in pain or suffering when I was talking to them and they just didn’t say, or was/is it going to be a sudden passing! Sorry if I’m too morbid. But my family not  on here so I can say what I feel. Hope your ok too xx

Hi Alyson, yes I do feel that. I feel I've lived end of life second hand really as my best friend died from ovarian cancer Christmas day 2020 and we messaged every day. The last six months of her life was difficult but she kept going with chemo. It was only when her hernia ruptured and they could no longer give her chemo or any other treatment that she went downhill quickly. She then lost her mobility and only had about 10 weeks left. Her passing was very peaceful though and just as she wanted it in the hospice. I think that's given me an insight..someways good, someway not..into the process although of course we're all different. Don't worry, I don't find it morbid at all. You need to say these things as often I find we're shut down by people who find it too scarey. X