Terrible emotions today.

Hi Betsy,

I'm so sorry you are distressed about your follow-up and the ongoing pain. I am having a slightly similar thing and can relate to the nightmares: I was told a few days ago I won't need any more follow-ups for my endometrial cancer two years ago, and since then I have been having nightmares that I am bleeding again...that I am going for chemo...neither of which has happened or is particularly likely to happen but it's my anxiety over being effectively signed-off and how I would know if I had a recurrence.

So I can empathise with the nightmares. I think once we have had something like this hit us, we are never truly at ease again over the future. It just comes with the territory...I don't think there's a solution really. 

I am getting some incision tenderness (is yours around your larger incision, and is that one horizontal? as apparently the way they cut through the muscle with a lateral incision, affects the nerves and muscles more than than vertical or circular incisions) but mine is prickles and tenderness more than deep pain; however, it's complicated by this allergic/bacterial rash I am currently trying to get rid of.  I am itchy more than in pain. 

My six-week is on 13th May - the day before I'm due back at work! I don't think he'll tell me not to go back, but I've warned them at work that I won't be able to lift or pull or push or do anything remotely heavy (I work in a shop) and I'm going to stick to my guns on that as I need to be healed and fit to drive to France in July. 

Your follow-up tomorrow is the opportunity to tell your consultant all about your ongoing pain. Everyone seems to be having a different experience as they heal, but I've read several who have bad pain weeks, even months after. That doesn't seem to be especially unusual after this type of surgery. The follow-up is to check that your incisions are healing/have healed, and your pain and discomfort level. So don't hold back from saying what this pain feels like. 

Easy to say maybe, but do you read? and can you find yourself an engrossing novel that would take your mind off the worry - I mean, one that you can really get into deeply? I used to read a lot of Fantasy novels. (Ursula Le Guin, David Eddings, and the like)...I have worked my way through all the Peter James, and now am re-reading/reading Dean Koontz's "Odd Thomas"..there are 8 so far to read! I can lose myself in these and disassociate myself from the real world whilst reading. Many years ago, I used to use jigsaw puzzles in the same kind of way: I could totally lose myself for hours in a jigsaw puzzle. Or perhaps you have other hobbies or interests that relax you/take you out of things for a while in the day or the night. Some people use music. I have often used dancing at these times - though of course physically dancing round my lounge is right out atm until I have healed a bit more!!

Will be thinking of you tomorrow...do tell the consultant exactly how you are at this stage because if it's deemed normal, he will be able to reassure you but if there's anything they want to check, scan, test for etc that's when they will book you in for this.