Keeping family at bay!

Hi Raycho,

Welcome to the community.  It is all a bit daunting to start with as you have so little information and do not understand any of the terms the medical staff use or what the process is likely to be.

You clearly have a diagnosis but have not mentioned where you are in respect of treatment.  I presume that they are going to have a multi disciplinary team meeting next to discuss the options.  The preferred option for Kidney cancer is usually surgery which is a major operation but routine.  You would be likely to be in hospital for up to a week although there s some variation.  You will need to avoid any physical work for a while afterwards and gradually increase your exercise to build yourself up again.  You will sleep a lot as your body recovers.  The operation and anaesthetic can cause constipation so make sure you eat plenty of fruit and veg and take plenty of liquids but you might also want to ask the nurses for something to help you go.

If this is the case then you (or your family) can prepare a bit by batch cooking foods and freezing them but also letting your family know what help you will need and working out which of them is going to do what.  Do not be afraid to remind them that you are the one with cancer and the one that needs supporting.

A really good resource is the Macmillan helpline.  They can offer emotional support but also offer practical and financial advice.  You do not mention if you are working or not but they will be able to advise you regardless of your situation.  You can call them on 0808 808 00 00 between 8am and 8pm on any day normally but today being a Bank Holiday I am not sure if the phone line is open today.  I would highly recommend it as they clarified a lot for me and helped me with things that I did not realise could be resolved.  The helpline is also  available for family members to call as well or there are groups on this site that they can join if they want.

I take the approach of only telling my partner any news initially until I have had time to process it myself and only then do I let the rest of my family know.  This way I can be quite directive not only about what I tell them but also what it means for me. I told them very early on that I was happy to answer questions on my health but only for so long as I still had much more to me than cancer.  I also told them I did not want to hear "supportive" stories about other people who had recovered from a totally unrelated type of cancer or of any alternative diets or "treatments" that would cure me.  I was happy to manage that side of things for myself.

I don't know if this has helped at all but please feel free to come back with any other questions you might have.

Wishing you all the best,

Gragon x