Is this normal

Hi.

Yes

My PET showed a hotspot so had to wait for the results of a biopsy to give me the all clear. I sat dumbstruck in the car on the way home. The shock of all i’d been through, the roller coaster ride, the sick to my boots feeling waiting for results just took its toll. 

Friends expected me to now be cured and back to normal. 
Have a read of this article explaining about recovery from cancer. I printed out copies for friends and family so that they would just leave me space for my mind to heal as well as my body. 

https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Yes i think it's normal, after all you've been through. Great news though - enjoy! 

Thanks lovely for your reply .

The article is an interesting read and well received 

Many thanks again 

Thanks for your reply 

I am glad I'm not alone in this 

Many thanks 

Dear Becksley

First of all congratulations for your incredible news! 

I felt exactly the same. Of course I was relieved to have been given the all clear but I was also feeling quite down. It is when I felt quite depressed. All my friends and family were so happy and wanted to celebrate the fantastic news. I just couldn't. For them it was time for all of us to get back to normality.  I talked to my counsellor about it and she said that a lot of cancer patients felt like that after they had been given the all clear. We suddenly start processing what has happened to us and the enormity of it. We also need to deal with the "after". We will never forget what we have gone through but we need to adapt and process it all. We need to learn to live again. Our lives will never be the same (not necessarily for the worst though)and we need to navigate our way around this. During the treatment we are caught up in a whirlwind of appointments and the harshness of the treatment. I think our mind is on survival mode, we need to focus on making sure the unwanted guest leaves us and therefore we gather all our strength to accomplish that mission. After the treatment and the all clear, we have a lot less appointments and and our body is on a different mode, the recovery mode and we also realise how fragile life can be.

I know it is hard for our friends and family to understand that we are not reacting the way they react....at the end of the day our friends and family are amazing at supporting us and be along side us on the journey but the journey belongs to us and we are the ones who are going through it. It is very important to talk about how you feel and not feel guilty for not reacting the way everybody else is around you. Give your body and mind time to process it all. 

Do you have a counsellor you can talk to? 

Look after yourself, be kind to yourself and embrace your new beginning. 

Sending you loads of love and hugs. 

Fab1

congratulations on reaching 'the other side'.. you are not alone in how you feel, and there is another post that also goes into this .. Got my all clear, why am I not jumping for joy? - Macmillan Online Community

Thanks for your reply everything you say is bang on. 

I am awaiting a new counsellor to take over my case as my last one has recently finished work .

I think it's hard for others to know how to respond whilst they celebrate I am wanting to curl up into a ball .

Many thanks again 

Thanks I will have a look at this 

Many thanks 

Hi Becksley

You may not be normal but you are certainly not alone!!!!

If you are anything like me, you had your head down getting through every day, feeling awful & concentrating on fighting this thing. It is all consuming & took every bit of my reserves & energy. Now someone tells you "you are fine", your body & head decompress & you allow yourself to feel again but along with all of that you have a way to go & there is space for those horrible niggling feelings come in to your head of doubt

BUT

Each day that passes you start to get more of you back, every conversation is not about you & cancer but just you & you will gradually think about cancer less & less.

Your cancer is gone, which obviously is the absolute outcome you hoped for but just give yourself a little time for your head to get straight. (there will still be odd days when it will catch you out)

Take care of you x

Thank you very much for your reply  it made me feel not alone reading this after having a blubbery afternoon xx