Got my all clear, why am I not jumping for joy?

yuggyp said:

Does this resonate with anyone? Should I celebrate? 

It's all here in Peter Harvey's ESSAYon recovering from cancer

I had a PET hotspot which was biopsied. The day I got my all clear from that I was simply numb. I was so exhausted by my mental journey.

Even now five plus years clear I sometimes wonder that I am still here

I must say, though, the day I said goodbye to my oncologist (last entry in my blog) I was ecstatic and really enjoyed the moment.

Hi Guy,

First of all congratulations for your amazing news! 

I felt exactly the same. If course I was relieved to have been given the all clear but I was also feeling quite down. It is when I felt quite depressed.All my friends and family were so happy and wanted to celebrate the fantastic news. I just couldn't. I talked to my counsellor about it and she said that a lot of cancer patients felt like that after they had been given the all clear. We suddenly start processing what has happened to us and the enormity of it. We also need to deal with the "after". We will never forget what we have gone through but we need to adapt and process it all. We need to learn to live again. Our lives will never be the same (not necessarily for the worst though)and we need to navigate our way around this. During the treatment we are caught up in a whirlwind of appointments and the harshness of the treatment. I think our mind is on survival mode, we need to focus on making sure the unwanted guest leaves us and therefore we gather all our strength to accomplish that mission. After the treatment and the all clear, we have a lot less appointments and and our body is on a different mode, the recovery mode and we also realise how fragile life can be.

 Do you have a counsellor you can talk to?

Look after yourself, be kind to yourself and embrace your new journey. 

Sending you loads of hugs.

Fab1 

A brilliant analysis Fab1 

Hi Guy

I know the feeling and I will not even try and be as eloquent as Fab1's response. 

There will be time to celebrate when you are ready to, but not just because everyone thinks a clear PET is the end of it all.  You have to recover physically and emotionally.  Then you will be ready to acknowledge your journey in the way you wish to.  And that may not be a party.  It may be acheiving a life long ambition or other challenge.

Hi Guy

Great news, sense of relief is indeed the order of the day for most of us, we have been on a rough old road for some time.

I did quietly celebrate, my wife had us booked into a nice hotel on the North Sea coast for around the time my recovery was gaining pace, it gave me a target to aim for, thoroughly enjoyed it.

Good luck with the scope...hope all goes well.

Take care and best of luck

Peter

Hmm, indeed.. I had imagined in my head that I'd get the news and BOOM. I'd be overjoyed, but seeing that I had to chase my results and was told over the phone, I came away feeling relieved, as you can imagine, but it did seem like a bit of an anticlimax and didn't really live up to how I expected it to feel.. I did treat myself to a trip to London to celebrate but it felt a bit forced,,if that makes sense.. the main thing though, is that we are here, and we can slowly process this journey, and slowly feel a sense of accomplishment in having got through the hell we had to go through.. congratulations.. 

Hi it’s not unusual. Yes you've got the all clear but as we all are aware some of our side effects are long lasting so read the Peter Harvey article that Dani has highlighted. Everythjng takes time you’ll get there yesterday was the start of the next phase.  

hugs Hazel 

Hi Guy. I had my baseline MRI a couple of weeks ago and 2 months after surgery. It was clear but I felt very flat and have been quite depressed since. I think it’s the transition from an intense time when all focus is on recovering to thinking about the reality of the long term effects of the treatment. Things that seemed relatively unimportant - different for everyone - are now sinking in. I think it’s also quite a lonely time - friends and family are now also focussed on other things. 

Hi guy

Well done for making it this far... when I got the all clear I too was a bit numb...the process took so long and the treatment so harsh that I felt like I had been through a battle... everyone around me was delighted and rightly so but I was mentally and physically drained. I was also still processing what I and my family had been through. I was also processing what I was left with... lethargy, extreme weight loss, not being able to eat for 8 months and getting used to dentures were all taking their toll.

Now 5 years later I reappraised my life, accepted what I was left with, reappraised what was important to me, resigned from my 60 hour a week telecoms middle management job and took some time to myself..then took a part time job in mobility.

This was the best move I ever made because it left a lot more time to do stuff with my wife and family. I quickly realised that it was not money that I'd run out of... but time. Once that happened I was a different person. It's time to think about yourself Guy and consider what you want to do with the time you've been given back.

Good luck 

Chas 

That’s wonderful, I’m so pleased for you.

I work for Openreach, we’re you similar?