Just signed up to this chat group. Not one for sharing normally but feel I’ve reached breaking point. My husband is undergoing chemo & immunotherapy for laryngeal cancer. It has been the darkest and most difficult time of our lives. He’s had 4 rounds of chemo (2 more to go). At the start of treatment he had 2 hemorrhages resulting in an emergency tracheotomy being performed. The trachy is uncomfortable and brings up a lot of mucus which causes him to cough incessantly, it’s gotten worse lately. He can barely speak He’s also had a RIG inserted as he has difficulty swallowing, so no solid food the last 3 months. The chemo and meds he’s on causes him to feel chronically fatigued and drugged up all the time. The suffering and pain he has been going through has been unbearable; it’s been one setback after another, full of complications, with insignificant signs of improvement. He’s normally such a positive person with bundles of energy and always active but this illness and treatment has taken everything away from him causing him so much pain and suffering leaving him unable to do the simplest of things and feeling very depressed. I feel like we’ve reached breaking point but there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. It’s been a relentlessly difficult, lengthy and painful journey. Mentally I don’t feel as if I can cope any more. I cannot unburden to well meaning friends especially when everything in their lives are going so well. I just feel resentment and anger, depressed and alone dealing with all of this.
Shanna - being ‘the other half’ in these situations is quite literally shit. My wife has taken on so much in the last 4 years as have my two sons and wider family and friends. Rest assured, you will never be able to completely feel what your partner is going through but I know that partners/significant others do ‘live it’ with you whether they admit or understand that (and I didn’t).
You develop a bubble around yourself and (rightly or wrongly own your illness) and that can and will put pressure on the most strong of relationships. Do I have the answers for you - no, but you need to use forums like these to vent, chat, scream or holler because not being able to have a release will result in you ‘having words’ which has been mentioned before.
I have described what’s happened to me as ‘turning the fire off in me’ and that’s a pretty reasonable way of expressing it. I can definitely resonate with your partner being a previously positive, full of energy person, you just lose your mojo. I’m betting you’ll be surprised that one of your closest friends might be the release you need? Not knowing your partners full story or prognosis you must be able to share how you’re feeling so you can continue to offer him the best support you can on a one to one but it ain’t easy!
Keep in touch on this forum - there is always someone able to talk/help even if it’s to allow you to express how you’re feeling at any one given time…
