Waiting for treatment.

He is a lifesaver. I have a cat who I love but quite honestly most of the time I'm just in the way but a dog is just such a good mate. Friendly and loyal. He's so funny. I keep apologising to him because we don't do as much as we should. But I intend to make it up to him once all this is sorted and then we'll have a beech holiday up north.

Still extremely anxious today. My PEG is weeping a bit which I’m concerned about but a Nutritionist is coming over this afternoon to have a look. They’re not overly concerned as this isn’t uncommon after only a week of being fitted but I just don’t want any more delays. Having to go through this at all sucks but the waiting just adds so much stress as to be hard to handle.

I hope it all works. Every day I look at the time and if it’s around 11:30 I just think how I’d pop home from work to see Neil and watch YouTube and have a coffee. Simple stuff but really relaxing. It all seems so far away now. I just hope I can get that back and the other simple things I enjoy: music and reading and gaming. I just don’t enjoy any of those things at the moment and I’m scared I’ll never again.

Sorry to moan but tough again today.

Hi Richy I woukdnt stress about treatment being cancelled a weeping peg won’t stop that going ahead. Dani and I know a lady i who got COVID part way through hers and she still went every day they gave her last appointment. Coincidentally she was at New Cross Wolverhampton. Normal life will resume. If I say today I’ve been to post office now at allotment with daughters dog plus have ironed fir her 2 hours worth. As we say cancer takes up to  a year out of your life. But a small price to pay for  the rest of it. 
Keep  a diary or write a blog my blog  with was for me and family. It was the only thing I had control over in what is an uncontrollable situation. You will get there we all do. 
hugs Hazel 

Thanks. I'm so negative. I wish I wasn't.

Maybe a diary is a good idea. On YouTube or in your bio here or a blog. 
There’s no point in telling you that it will be fine, you have to find that out for yourself I guess. 
You’ve only this  week to wait. An infected PEG won’t stop your treatment so try not to worry about that bit. 

The nurse has checked it (the PEG) and thinks it's fine so hopefully everything can go on as planned. Thanks for your support it really helps.

What’s the time of your first Zap. I’ll make sure I’m sending you some healing hugs xx

I received a phone call this afternoon that I'm expected at 12.30 on Monday for my first session. I have my pre bloods on Saturday, so everything should kick off after that.

You’ll hate me saying this but just put your head down and do it. Nothing much will happen for two weeks ( except the cancer will get smaller of course) xx

It's really so much easier mentally once you start the treatment Richy, at least that was the case for me and almost everyone I've spoken to over the years; anticipation is scary but once you're in it you're carried along and get great support and attention from your team, it really does fly by. Lots of people have psychological issues when they come out the other side (I did) so you need to keep an eye out for that, but not something you need to think about yet. Cross that bridge if/when you come to it.