Waiting for treatment.

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I have been diagnosed with throat/neck cancer. I have been told it's treatable. I'm waiting for an MRI a meeting with my specialist and then hopefully treatment. At the moment I am so scared. I suffer with anxiety anyway and have been on medication for several years. I just want to sleep. I drink to cope which is not great but I don't know how else to cope. I can't sleep (even though that's all I want), I can't eat. I feel sick and scared. I called the local mental health line but the person I spoke to sounded more in need of help than me. I just want to talk to people who may understand how I feel; who've either been through what I'm going through or are having a similar experience. I know I should be thankful to be told the things I've been told but I can't rationalise and always think the worst.

  • Hi RichyDee

    What you are feeling is normal. Despite what you've been told you are convinced you are going to die and painfully. It's not true, believe me. I am a glass half empty girl and I felt the same but knowledge is power and once you have a treatment plan in place you WILL feel better, I promise. This cancer is eminently treatable and has a very high cure rate of nigh on 95%. The treatment is not a walk in the park but pain and discomfort is manageable and providing you take it a day at a time it's doable. You'll soon be at the end of it with recovery in sight.

    My oncologist told me that the cancer would take a year out of my life and he was right but I went with the flow, trusted ny clinicians even when my body was letting me down and here I am two plus years.....knocking on three... living a full and active life with few side effects.

    Trust them, Richy, this is all new to you but they do this stuff every day and they are good at it.

    There are masses of tips to get you through from all of us so just hang on in there

    Dani 

    Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

    I wrote a blog about my cancer. just click on the link below 

    https://todaymycoffeetasteslikechristmasincostarica.com 

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

    Community Champion badge
  • Hi Ricky  Dee Please take notice of what Beesuit had said throat cancer is not the end of the weeks although you may feel thus st thys moment. Honestly we’ve all been there done it. I am a glass half filled person but I too felt like I woukd die. Well 3 years on I’m still here riding my bike living my life. Please try not too drink that won’t help your sleeping. Once treatment plan I’m place things fall into place quickly. Before you kniw it you’ve gone through treatment and in recovery phase. It’s not easy but if I a female wimp 61 when diagnosed coujd do it anyone can. 
    mum sat in Spain living my life riding my bike at the moment. Life does gi in these next few weeks are hard it’s fear if the unknown. 
    hazel 

    Hazel aka RadioactiveRaz 

    My blog is www.radioactiveraz.wordpress.com  HPV 16+ tonsil cancer Now 5 years  post treatment. 35 radiotherapy 2 chemo T2N2NM.Happily getting on with living always happy to help  

  • Hi RichyDee.  Welcome to our group where you will find lots of advice and support.  I think many of us totally get where you are at.  Probably not everyone has as deep anxiety as you do, but we all feel the same.  This is the worst phase for everyone; the waiting and not knowing.  Once the scans have been done and reviewed you will have a treatment plan and that will help to quell your anxiety as you will have a number of unknows taken away.  Your clinical team really do know what they are doing and you have to trust them to get you through this.

    At one stage or another I think we all believe that we will die of this cancer.  However, testament that almost all survive and have a good quality of life after treatment are the number of people posting on here supporting people in the initial stages of treatment who have been there themselves.

    I know the local mental health teams are under extreme pressure across the country.  At least you recognise you need help.  Maybe your GP or hospital clinical team can open some doors for you.  I know my hospital has a wellbeing coordinator that will help me get what I need.  Possibly yours does as well?? 

    If you can try to avoid excesses of alcohol and try to improve your fitness (you may be able to do a marathon - I don't know!) as that will help you through treatment.  Stay off Google as the information is mainly old and not reflective of current treatments.  It will scare you unnecessarily.

    Stay with us, we're here for you now and during treatment!  And, hopefully, post treatment you can help others through their journey.

    Peter
  • Hi Richy. I was in your position exactly a year ago and awaiting surgery to take out my right tonsil. That was followed by six weeks of chemoradiation and I’m still here - feeling really well. But however reassuring my team was, and I have to say that they were very positive, there was always that niggling little doubt in my mind. It doesn’t go away. 
    I can’t advise on your anxiety issues, but I’d reiterate all that the others have said. Try not to drink yourself better but rather try to focus on getting ready for the treatment that is about to come.
    Peter is spot on when he says try to get as fit as you can as there is little doubt that the fitter you are the better you will cope with the treatment and what comes afterwards. Not just that but, as I’m sure you know, just being outdoors can be a huge boost to one’s mental as well as physical fitness.
    Both before and after surgery last year I set myself the target of taking at least a half to one hour’s good walk every day and managed it pretty much every day, despite having to be dragged out once or twice when I was at my lowest ebb in January.  Overall though, when I look back it was immeasurably helpful.

    The nagging is still there if I’m honest, and admittedly I was fortunate not to react too horrendously to the treatment, but the exercise and my having faith in my head and neck team have certainly made everything much, much more bearable. 
    Wishing you the very best. M

  • Thanks for your words. They are helpful and it's good to know about others who have been through something similar. I'm still scared but I know I can do this and I do hope that when a plan's in place I'll be more optimistic. Thanks again. And you're not a wimp as far as I'm concerned, you're an inspiration. Rich.

    RichyDee

  • Thankyou for your words. They are helpful and it's good to know about others who have been through something similar I will also look at your blog. I'm still scared but I know I can do this and I do hope that when a plan's in place I'll be more optimistic. Thanks again. Rich.

    RichyDee

  • Thanks so much for your reply. It's really helpful to know about others who have been through something similar. I'm still very scared but I know I can do this. I will stop the drinking (soon) and I will exercise more (I have a dog to walk) Thank you again. Rich.

    RichyDee

  • Thanks so much for your words. They are really helpful and it's good to know about others who have been through something similar. I'm still scared but I know I can do this and I do hope that when a plan's in place I'll be more optimistic. I will stop the drinking (well maybe not today) and I will walk more (I have a dog which is good) Thanks again. Rich.

    RichyDee

  • Really you’ll do it. The blog was because it was the only thing I could control. Not too graffic and full of rubbish but it helped keep me sane. 

    Dani 

    Base of tongue cancer. T2N0M0 6 weeks Radiotherapy finished January 2019

    I wrote a blog about my cancer. just click on the link below 

    https://todaymycoffeetasteslikechristmasincostarica.com 

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

    Community Champion badge
  • Hi Rich Thank you for your kind words. Like I say in my blog I did it like Dani as it was the only thing I could control in this situation. Now it’s helping others which is great xx

    Hazel aka RadioactiveRaz 

    My blog is www.radioactiveraz.wordpress.com  HPV 16+ tonsil cancer Now 5 years  post treatment. 35 radiotherapy 2 chemo T2N2NM.Happily getting on with living always happy to help