Waiting for treatment.

Don't know why but I'm struggling today. I thought I'd be a lot happier with a plan but I'm still scared and wish this would all just go away. I'm so negative and still keep thinking but what if? And why me? I've been told good things but I worry I will always be like this and spend the rest of my life worrying about what might happen next. I want to have a new view of life and appreciate it more but at the moment that seems a million miles away. It's is all quite overwhelming.

What are you scared of Richy? The treatment or it not working and not curing the cancer? I certainly had masses of wobbles. I trusted the team. My oncologist told me he would really fry the back of my throat but he wound cure me. He did. He said the cancer would take a year out of my life. It did. There were times I thought my body would let me down and a few when I sobbed on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. I needed to do that. But I got through it. 
its not until you gaze at your mortality that you realise that so much of our present is predicated on a future. 
I survived that by taking it a day at a time and I looked at folk on here who had walked the same path in front of me. 
I know you’re having counselling. Might I suggest that you keep this going through your treatment? I don’t know what else to suggest. Somebody else will have better ideas. Best wishes. 

Richy take notice of Dani. Don’t blame yourself our type of cancer h p v is curable yes it takes it’s toll but your team will get you through it. There will be bad days there will be days when I cried on kitchen flour st 0300 but I got through it so will you. Maybe a course of any depressants may help you there’s a few on here who needed  them for treatment. I also know if  guy who idskdo hsving hypnotherapy for his anxiety he’s got through treatment. 
we’re all here for you. 
Hazel 

Apologies. I know I go on. And I know you all know what I'm feeling. My specialist pretty much said the same about my throat but was as confident as he could be regarding the outcome (nothing in life is guaranteed). And I should take that on. But I suppose it's the uncertainty of it all that bothers me. I would like to be knocked out and they could sort it out while I'm unconscious and then just wake me if it works. I know that's not going to happen (although I might just check if there's some kind of volunteer scheme). I need to accept what's going on and get it done. The odds are in my favour (that's effectively what I've been told by pretty much everyone) and I need to restart my life. Thanks again until the next time I lose it.

The odds are stacked up very highly in your favour Rich.

Linda x

Unknown said:

Thanks again until the next time I lose it.

We are all here for each other. Any time. 

Got a date for my mask (too late for Halloween) next week and then should be the end of November for my treatment to start. This means that it should end around the middle of January 2022. Had all the talks on diet and swallowing and other scary stuff but if the end result is getting rid of this horrible thing then so be it. I was told it would be 3 months until I would have my first meeting to hopefully get an all clear and then every 6 weeks after that for a while. Does anybody know how long the checking lasts and until when. Also have a dental appointment in an hour or so to get a filling. This means at least my teeth will be ready even if I'm not.

Hi Richy you are usually seen every 6-8 weeks for first year. Then year 2.3 every 3 months then for last  2 years every 6 months. Appointment time probably 10-15 min tops. Good on getting timetable whi herds Christmas dinner lol too many calories anyway. ( joke ) we are all here if you need us. 
Hazel 

Hi Richy,

Glad they're getting on with it for you. Sounds like same timings as me. They phoned to check on me every week after treatment, but I did get called to go to clinic after 6 weeks. At 3 months they booked my scan and I got results at my next clinic. I'm 6 weekly until I've done a year, not sure how often after that but I seem to remember them saying I'd have checks for 5 years.

Once the plan was in place I only went to the Deansley until after treatment. Clinics are back up in A35 now. 

Take care, Ronnie 

Hi Rich.

Great that everything is swinging into motion - hope your dental appt was OK.

My timings are similar to Hazel.  6 weeks for the first year, 3 months in the 2nd and  I'm now 3 years since my treatment finished and my appts are every 4 months.  They will continue to check for 5 years.

I found the mask making exercise fascinating.  When you get the final scan with the hardened mask do make sure you're completely comfortable with it as it's an ideal time for them to make minor adjustments.  Some people have the eyes cut out of theres.  I didn't, but they did cut out a tiny hole around the area of my adams apple and the end of my nose to make the mask more comfortable plus a few other minor adjustments.

Linda x