Is it just me ?

Thanks Nicky,

So well put!! 

Take care, 

Ronnie 

I feel very similar to how your feeling i had my voice box removed 3 weeks ago due to that's where the cancer was,and was in hospital for over a month,I've been home a week and I'm just so frustrated I am grateful they got all the cancer out but I'm still in a lot of pain and am now waiting to start radiotherapy it's like when am I going to be normal I know my life won't be the same as it was before but even down to eating I can only eat soft food so it's very limited as to what I can eat my partner just says  I should be grateful for just being here which I am but I just feel something is missing in my life and I just don't know what it is 

Hi Tracy. Well done for getting so far. You might want to join The Swallows which is a very active head and neck cancer charity based in Blackpool. They are incredibly supportive.

If you PM me I can give you a link. 

My first husband had a laryngectomy after failed RT when he was 47. His recovery was a little protracted because of the prior radiation but I can tell you he got his voicer back with a TEP ( a valve) and was the life and soul of the party just as he was before cancer. It took an awful lot of mental adjustment but life was good.

Our other two Community Champs chris2012 and MikeO are both laryngectomees and I'm sure they will pop on with their words of wisdom.

Hi Tracy1

welcome to our community sorry you’ve found yourself  here. Beesuit s right MikeOand chris2012 will pop along soon. Whrn radiotherapy starts  let’s us kniw will help as much as we can I had 35 sessions plus 2 chemo now living my life to the max. We all want to try to be normal  as quick as we can but treatment takes everything out if you. 
baby steps 2 forward one back some days. 
hazel x

Hello Tracy, I did things the other way around in that I had RT/chemo in 2014 which I got the all clear from in 2019 before last year before a new diagnosis (not a recurrance I'm told) last year, so had my voice box removed last September. Was in for four weeks then another week in November when I had an infection so similar time span to you. I couldn't eat or drink anything for six months and life was so difficult, the effort it took to just put a fresubin down my RIG was exhausting, I had to move a chair to the kitchen sink because I couldn't do it standing up.

Today things are so much better, although I still have no voice because the RT damage means fitting a TEP valve is risky and I have no interest in taking any risk. I can communicate to an extent via "consonant" sounds and exaggerated mouth movements, my son (who lives with me) gets me 95% of the time. Trying oesophageal speech but failing dismally so far. I eat very well now, slowly and small portions admittedly but I do get pleasure from it.

Being grateful for just being here is a difficult one one I think; every person on the planet has defied odds much higher than winning the lottery just to be born so a 50/50 with cancer (not a 50/50 for most of course, odds are much better) is easy! What is missing from my life, and maybe yours, is the person I was; I'm definitely "diminished" in some ways, physically is the most obvious but mentally and emotianally I've grown so much.

I'm rambling now so I'll shut up. Wish you all the best.

Good evening TRACYI, I'm afraid its still very early days for your recovery, it takes a long time to recover and adjust from this operation, please do not worry as everything will all come together, it's not easy and your life will reach a new normal as we all recover and adapt differently from losing our voicebox. I agree cancer does take something away which i cannot explain, it certainly changes us but i still live a great quality of life even though i cannot speak or eat whole food due to previous operations. You have still got quite a journey ahead so just take it a day at a time and let the body recover. I hope you start the radiotherapy soon and it all goes well, wishing you all the best,take care.

                                                        Chris x

Thank you for sharing  it's nice to know I'm not alone as such 

Thank you for sharing 

As always, very well put Mike.  Thankyou.

Linda x